[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alas, the improvised works of William Shakespeare.
[00:00:07] Speaker B: This episode doth containeth cast such as Ross Neil, Maria Nally, PJ Nally.
Special guests Annie Razko and Drew Robinson.
[00:00:22] Speaker C: Ooh, I have a word.
[00:00:24] Speaker D: Fudgel Fudgel Fudgel Fudgel Makes me think of fudge.
[00:00:30] Speaker E: I knew that's where you were going with this.
If you weren't here, I would have been like, this is PJ's take.
[00:00:37] Speaker D: And here's my hot take on fudge.
[00:00:40] Speaker E: Here's PJ's hot take on fudge, everybody.
[00:00:41] Speaker D: Fudge is a scam, and it's not inherent to Fudge itself. Fudge did nothing wrong. But fudge is just this construed quaint dessert that you find in every vacation destination ever. And fudge is somehow construed to be like, native to South Carolina, to Montana, to Spain, to Six Flags Great America in Gurney, Illinois that they charge way too much money for. And it's no better than just chocolate.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: It's Taffy's big worst brother. It's the fail son, older brother of Taffy.
[00:01:18] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:01:18] Speaker C: And they try to lure you in by being nice, by having all the free samples. And that's how they get you.
[00:01:23] Speaker D: That's how they get you.
Yeah. I think fudge has been co opted by big tourism and I'm not happy about it.
[00:01:30] Speaker A: I just want to know how much research have you done to know all the various places that fudge has claimed to be originated from?
[00:01:37] Speaker D: I have been a person who travels sometimes and that is enough.
[00:01:42] Speaker A: Okay. It just felt research. It's all I'm saying.
[00:01:45] Speaker C: How much fudge have you consumed?
[00:01:48] Speaker D: I have consumed in my lifetime probably between 12 and 36 squares of fudge.
[00:01:57] Speaker B: That's so little.
[00:02:00] Speaker D: I don't usually buy it. I don't.
[00:02:02] Speaker A: This man, this man will not support big tourism. I respect him. I'm in his corner. Big tourism is against us.
[00:02:09] Speaker E: The fudge is a classic example of like a tourist thing where it's like, sold to feel authentic.
[00:02:17] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:02:17] Speaker E: But really it's a sign of kitsch, touristy, fake.
[00:02:24] Speaker A: It's moral degradation causing cavities.
[00:02:27] Speaker D: The first big step on the road to degrade. I said degradation.
Kind of like how every town has, like the same brewery now.
[00:02:36] Speaker E: Oh, my gosh.
[00:02:37] Speaker B: Just like, you know, open ceiling, cement floors. Bring a dog.
[00:02:42] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah. Like those light bulbs with like the squiggly in the middle.
[00:02:47] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:02:48] Speaker B: Beer, cheese, corrugated steel, man buns.
[00:02:51] Speaker C: Lots of man buns.
[00:02:52] Speaker A: Man buns.
[00:02:53] Speaker B: Flannel, which is the new cat cafe. Because I feel like this used to be a cat cafe and now there's more. Cat cafes.
[00:03:00] Speaker A: Were cat cafes a thing in America?
[00:03:02] Speaker E: Yes.
[00:03:02] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Were they?
[00:03:03] Speaker A: How many cat cafes have you consumed?
[00:03:06] Speaker D: I consume, yeah.
[00:03:09] Speaker C: And did they sell fudge there?
I had a friend who was an emotional support human for the cats that did not get adopted at the cafe. And their job was just to go and make them feel better or feline better.
[00:03:22] Speaker E: What?
Wait a minute.
[00:03:24] Speaker A: Punishing.
[00:03:25] Speaker E: Here's the thing. Usually the animal is supposed to be the emotional support. In this case, the human was the
[00:03:31] Speaker C: emotional support and that was a job that they got taxes taken out of their paycheck for.
[00:03:39] Speaker D: We find a jester in the town of Kent in need of his own jester.
This jester so sad, this jester so sorrowful. This jester never joked to himself.
[00:03:53] Speaker E: Now you may think cut in half. Has this jester made anyone else laugh? And to that I would say yes. But there is a problem. Can you guess? For the jester himself was deeply depressed for laughing so much other people. He'd make no laughs himself. He ever did take tears of a
[00:04:17] Speaker C: clown thus show on his face. He felt like his world was just a big disgrace. Would he ever laugh again? Would he ever tell a joke? Would he ever make eggs with other things other than yolk? Yolk on his face he felt through the square.
He was starting to lose his very fine hair.
[00:04:38] Speaker B: For this was a town in sore need of laughs. The tourists would come and then it would lapse. The off season made no money, you see.
The poor people were sad from September to January.
[00:04:53] Speaker A: The lord of Squareland did look upon Kent as a place to discover where the money may went.
He looked and he found a new candy for fun that may be brought about for every boy and one.
He looked at this gesture he'd sought to himself. He discovered that he may find a present for wealth. A candy that may claim this town's inner core and make the jester need laugh no more.
[00:05:25] Speaker D: And unto the unsuspecting tourists he shall push this sludge. Yes, indeed, this whore known as Fudge. Oh, they know not what they got. They know not it just be a worse chocolate. He sells them. He sees their minds turning. He sees their wallets and threw them the ducats. Burning.
And yes, he shall say to you, nay, I shall replace every cat cafe
[00:05:58] Speaker A: within the 40 minutes of this podcast.
[00:06:00] Speaker D: Burning.
[00:06:01] Speaker A: We may find Yorick and his jester returning, seeking out ways to fight big tourism and finding a way to make rhymes with morism.
[00:06:17] Speaker D: Oh, Hey, Roger.
Roger, you're so sad again while I mend your shoes.
They're such pretty shoes. Most shoes I get are brown or black. Yours are green and striped with pink.
[00:06:40] Speaker E: I cannot help it. I cannot help it, Yorick. Even though my shoes may be green and striped with pink, my hat may be bejingled with many a jingle bell.
[00:06:59] Speaker D: Oh, the jingle bell, the year. Wear it well.
Never gets old. Ah, I be but 60 years and every time funny.
[00:07:06] Speaker E: But this be but the problem, Yorick.
[00:07:09] Speaker C: For.
[00:07:10] Speaker E: For my jingle bells and my shoes and my cane and my balls which I juggle. They all make you laugh. They all make everyone laugh. But nothing makes me laugh.
[00:07:22] Speaker D: Oh, Roger.
Roger, I've been mending your shoes since you was just a baby jester.
[00:07:29] Speaker E: Why, of course.
[00:07:30] Speaker D: Why, I'm so sorry. Did you hear the one about the shoe?
[00:07:40] Speaker E: Did it lose its brother?
[00:07:43] Speaker D: Yeah, it did lose its brother. That's right. And it became one that was on its own. It was soul.
Roger.
[00:07:54] Speaker E: Yorick.
[00:07:55] Speaker D: Roger. That's a giggle that be.
[00:07:57] Speaker E: But the thing that I need.
For while I make many a duckle making other people laugh.
You shall make me laugh.
You shall be my jester. The jester's jester.
[00:08:14] Speaker D: Roger, I'm just an innocent shoemaker. I am not anymore.
[00:08:18] Speaker E: For now. Although you may keep following me and making shoes should you wish. Your first priority is to make me laugh.
[00:08:27] Speaker D: Why? Why make you laugh? You? I can't make anyone laugh. Why, you'd give me the boot.
Oh, Roger. I did it again, didn't I?
[00:08:38] Speaker B: At the back of the shop, a couple looks very impatient.
We've been waiting all day.
[00:08:44] Speaker C: I need some shoes. Kobold.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: Yeah? We were out on the beach and a nail went straight through your shoe.
[00:08:51] Speaker C: I am bleeding profusely and no one decides to hit. Help me.
[00:08:55] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:08:55] Speaker D: Well, there are a couple customers back there.
[00:08:58] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:08:59] Speaker E: They look like they've been waiting quite a while in this town of Kent. May I?
I shall do my duty. For since it is the off season and I'm not entertaining the king, I'll go entertain them.
[00:09:14] Speaker D: Wonderful. Just don't come back. Choco Light.
[00:09:20] Speaker E: Oh, Yorick, what would I do without you?
[00:09:23] Speaker D: I don't know. You'd have two left feet.
Oh, I have a new calling, don't I?
[00:09:31] Speaker E: Well, good morrow, my fair lady. My fair gentleman. May I interest you in some juggling? I shall do it now.
[00:09:38] Speaker C: Good morrow indeed. As you can see, my foot has been split in two and I need a new shoe.
It's no laughing matter.
[00:09:48] Speaker E: I can't.
Certainly I can make you laugh.
[00:09:52] Speaker C: Not Everything is about laughter, Jester.
Some things are more important than laughter.
[00:09:57] Speaker E: May I offer thee a rubber chicken?
[00:10:00] Speaker C: If I could wear it on my foot, yes. Because right now I'm in a lot of pain.
[00:10:05] Speaker E: Well, thou dost have a nail.
Thou couldst pull out the nails.
Use the nail to affix the chicken to thine foot.
[00:10:14] Speaker C: Peace is.
[00:10:15] Speaker E: And then thou wouldst have a rubber chicken as a shoe.
[00:10:23] Speaker C: What is this? I haven't laughed in 20 years, since before I was married.
[00:10:28] Speaker B: Maryanne, what's that horrible sound you're making?
Is it your foot?
[00:10:35] Speaker C: It is. Something stirring inside me. I guess you know laughter is the best medicine.
[00:10:41] Speaker E: And thou foot doth hurt nevermore.
[00:10:45] Speaker C: I kiss you.
Oh, that's delightful.
[00:10:51] Speaker B: I'm a guest. And I'm a gog. You've taken my wife and you've removed all her cogs. You've made her a silly goose.
[00:11:02] Speaker D: Roger, look at what you're doing.
[00:11:04] Speaker C: Oh, good.
[00:11:06] Speaker E: Goodness, that was exhausting. Fair Yorick, please do make me laugh so that I feel restored.
[00:11:13] Speaker D: Well, I don't know how to make you laugh. I mean. My goodness. Oh, my goodness. I'm gonna really have to beat my shoe leather to think of that one.
[00:11:27] Speaker E: Oh, Yorick, my goodness. As long as I have you around me, being a jester will be forever the most prosperous thing that could be done.
[00:11:35] Speaker D: Come, come to the castle. We must. These ones can wait for their laughing.
Well, one of them, anyway.
[00:11:47] Speaker E: Not enough for me.
[00:11:48] Speaker D: Let's go.
[00:11:49] Speaker A: We cut to the castle.
I pray thee, Edgar.
Edgar.
[00:11:55] Speaker B: Yes?
[00:11:56] Speaker A: Thou knowest I am the lord of House Squareland?
[00:12:02] Speaker B: Yes, Master Yorick Squareland. I'm werlant.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: We are in the off season.
The taxis levied upon the people are bringing us no ducats.
The country levees do lie empty.
The people are enjoying frivolous things.
[00:12:21] Speaker C: Shoes.
[00:12:22] Speaker A: The beach wherein we need the gold.
We need to find a way to drum up some means, some conveyance to hold the power of wealth.
[00:12:33] Speaker B: Yes. Such lofty gentlemen such as you and myself cannot have simple, free pleasures. We need expensive things.
[00:12:43] Speaker A: Ay, the more expensive, the better. There is no joy on this mortal plane. A gold cannot possibly.
[00:12:51] Speaker B: The other day, Yorick, you were like this. I took several gold pieces, many thousands of them. And I filled up a small tub, and then I climbed on a great big ladder to a height no man had ever seen before. And I jumped straight into the pool. And I went to the hospital for about a week. And after I recovered, I laughed and laughed and laughed.
[00:13:15] Speaker A: Aye, the blood smear. Mere ducats were quite A sight to see the sense of whimsy thou hast in claiming a tub full of gold.
[00:13:23] Speaker B: But now there is no gold.
[00:13:26] Speaker D: Po.
[00:13:26] Speaker B: Yorick.
[00:13:27] Speaker A: Ay, alas, poor Yorick. Poor Yorick.
There is no gold for the county. There is no gold wherein we may spend to find new frivolities.
Look upon the lines upon my face. Look how I frown, Edgar. Look how I frown.
[00:13:43] Speaker B: If only we had gold to put some Restylane in those poor frown lines. But there is none. The budget for Restylane is not. The budget for caviar is not.
[00:13:55] Speaker A: We need some device, some means to turn this off season into an on season. Some way to get the people in.
Something addictive, yet easy to make something warm to.
[00:14:11] Speaker B: Even though it be cold outside, it will drive them indoors.
[00:14:15] Speaker A: I prithee, thou seems to have a plan. Expound more.
[00:14:18] Speaker B: Well, this is my thinking voice.
[00:14:22] Speaker A: What if I've heard it? Yes, yes, continue.
[00:14:26] Speaker B: What if we put people in kitchens? Notoriously warm kitchens are.
And the servants who make the food, yours and mine, always seem to be going on about pies and candies.
Maybe a new one of those.
[00:14:44] Speaker A: Thou thinkst we may co opt our own servants?
[00:14:48] Speaker B: Yes, we shall turn them into the attraction.
[00:14:52] Speaker A: Windows upon all the kitchens open. Kitchen floor plans become more of a restaurant experience. Less of a castle, less of a keep. More of something people may come in to see.
[00:15:02] Speaker B: Yes, but what is the food? Is it hand pulled noodles?
[00:15:07] Speaker D: No, no. Excuse me, my liege, I.
I have your afternoon chocolate. Except I made it weird and then I accidentally sat on it and so it's denser than normal.
[00:15:23] Speaker A: Ridgemods come thither.
[00:15:24] Speaker D: Yes. I'm so sorry, Maleesh. It's a squishy d. Different weird chocolate. I can go make another.
[00:15:33] Speaker A: No.
[00:15:35] Speaker B: Give, give, give.
[00:15:36] Speaker A: Give to me.
[00:15:37] Speaker C: Give to me.
[00:15:37] Speaker A: Give me.
[00:15:39] Speaker B: Sire. That face.
[00:15:42] Speaker D: I know I'm going to be killed.
[00:15:45] Speaker A: No, Wigma, no.
Thou hast done it.
Thou hast shaved Squareland.
[00:15:54] Speaker D: Oh, I shaved Squarelin.
[00:15:56] Speaker A: You shaved Squarelin? You saved Squarelin. It was a sticky nature of. What do we call this?
[00:16:02] Speaker D: Oh, well, I don't know. I mean, it's usually chocolate, but I feel like I fudged it all up.
[00:16:09] Speaker B: Say that again.
[00:16:10] Speaker A: Up the whole sentence. Ridgmond.
[00:16:14] Speaker D: It's usually chocolate, but I feel like I effed it all up.
[00:16:18] Speaker B: He's a child. He can't say fudge.
[00:16:22] Speaker A: Edgar, thou art my closest friend. Thou art a man of many talents, thou knowest. That was not what I meant.
[00:16:29] Speaker B: Yes, but. No, the word he meant that came from his mouth when an adult.
[00:16:34] Speaker A: Ridgemont said fudged. That's the word we're looking for. Fudged. It's whimsical. It's magical.
[00:16:40] Speaker B: This.
[00:16:41] Speaker A: This is the tongue of the people. This is the candy of the people. We pull them in, we prop them up.
[00:16:47] Speaker C: Really?
[00:16:48] Speaker D: I get to support your enterprise with Fudgeard?
[00:16:53] Speaker A: You get to sit wherever you want, Ridgemont. No, upon all the chocolate.
[00:16:58] Speaker D: Even in the rich people. Chairs.
[00:17:01] Speaker A: If there's chocolate upon them, thou mayest sit. If there is not chocolate. No, that is still very much so. A class defined system. I pray thee well. But that is not for thee.
[00:17:09] Speaker D: I shall put chocolate on any chair I sit on. And I shall sit on the ridges. Chairs.
Thank you. Maliege.
[00:17:18] Speaker A: Hi, Edgar. Yes, Ridgemont. I have a plan to make this off season into an on season. We take this fudge and we take the poor people like Ridgemont and we turn ourselves into a corporation.
[00:17:31] Speaker B: Yes, we shall have a conveyor belt of poor people sitting on bad chocolate. And then we'll sell it to the rubes.
[00:17:38] Speaker A: Ay. We sell it back to the poor people out of markup.
[00:17:42] Speaker B: Yes. We become a platform.
[00:17:45] Speaker A: We must away begin this pattern. We will find thee many a square of chocolate to sit upon. Ridgemont. I pray thee thou buttocks are firm for the sitting.
[00:17:56] Speaker D: Uh oh. Methinks I'm a class traitor, I am.
But the chairs be so soft.
Yes, Melissa.
[00:18:05] Speaker A: Come, come. We must away and plan this. Now. We may as begin.
Edgar, send the missus tonight.
[00:18:11] Speaker B: So I take out my big quill.
[00:18:14] Speaker A: You need not write it now. I mean write it upon the night and we shall send them out.
[00:18:18] Speaker B: I need you to tell me now or I'm going to forget. That's. I know my brain, sir.
I know. I need to hear it now. Okay, I'll do it your way.
[00:18:25] Speaker A: Edgar, we are equals. Thou needst not call me sir. I am a count. Thou art a lord as well.
[00:18:32] Speaker B: Honestly, it's such a recent promotion. I don't know if I can empty this from my vocabulary.
[00:18:38] Speaker A: Okay, we're going away to the study. We're going to write this out. Ridgemont, pray you go and talk to your fellow serfs. Whatever term you all prefer. I'm very sorry. Go and talk amongst yourselves.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: Begin formulating a plan where we may make more fudge.
[00:18:54] Speaker A: This will save the town. Save the golden tubs. I owe. Away, Edgar. Away, away.
[00:19:02] Speaker B: We cut to a.
Yeah. A line of people sitting on fudge. They're chatting. They're having a great time. It's a town gathering and everyone's just sitting up and down on their fudge pieces and then passing it down to the foreman.
[00:19:21] Speaker C: All right, I'm done with mine.
[00:19:23] Speaker E: I thank thee.
[00:19:25] Speaker B: I am tiring so fast.
[00:19:27] Speaker E: Ay, I am tiring as well for sitting me such work. Whoever thought that sitting was such work?
[00:19:36] Speaker A: Such work.
Up and down and up and down. But the chairs of the lords and ladies are so comfy.
[00:19:43] Speaker E: Oh, why, yes. The chairs of the lords and ladies be more comfy than even mine own bed. It's the upper up and down that be the hardest. Up and down, up and down it's
[00:19:56] Speaker B: good on the abs and bad on the frown.
[00:20:00] Speaker C: Up and down, up and down we're
[00:20:04] Speaker E: making lots of food and we make it for the crown.
[00:20:08] Speaker D: Up and down, up and down.
It's not a verb. They both are nouns. Up and down, up and down.
[00:20:19] Speaker C: We got to laugh. I miss that clown.
[00:20:23] Speaker D: Up and down, up and down.
[00:20:27] Speaker A: Every time we do this, it makes me want to make a sound.
[00:20:31] Speaker D: Up and down, up and down.
[00:20:34] Speaker E: I'm feeling so shabby. I should have worn a gown.
[00:20:38] Speaker D: Up and down, up and down.
I can't do this on my own.
Up and down, up and down.
[00:20:49] Speaker C: Oh, I fell.
[00:20:51] Speaker B: Oh, no. My butt.
I think I broke my butt.
[00:20:56] Speaker C: If you break your butt, how are we going to keep making fudge?
[00:20:59] Speaker B: I don't know. I can't go back to being slightly poorer.
[00:21:02] Speaker D: Oh, no.
Why, you'll have to go.
[00:21:07] Speaker C: Go, go, go.
[00:21:10] Speaker B: I'll have to leave Squareland.
[00:21:13] Speaker A: Squareland.
And it's burgeoning tourist industry. You cannot stay.
[00:21:18] Speaker D: You'll have to go somewhere rounder.
[00:21:21] Speaker C: Oval, even.
[00:21:24] Speaker D: Oh, Skippy, Skippy, don't cry.
[00:21:28] Speaker C: Up and down, up and down. And now you have to go and leave this town.
[00:21:36] Speaker D: Up and down, up and down.
[00:21:40] Speaker B: It seems rude to do it in front of me. It just makes me frown.
[00:21:45] Speaker A: Up and down, up and down.
[00:21:48] Speaker E: We're so sorry. We want to have better renown.
[00:21:52] Speaker D: Up and down, up and down.
[00:21:56] Speaker A: If you're still feeling sad, you should find that clown.
[00:22:00] Speaker C: Up and down, up and down.
[00:22:03] Speaker E: I bet they could turn that frown upside down.
[00:22:07] Speaker C: Up and down, up and down.
[00:22:11] Speaker E: Go now.
[00:22:12] Speaker D: Go and find the clown he rolls
[00:22:16] Speaker B: off so he doesn't use his poor butt.
[00:22:20] Speaker E: Yorick, please. We must go to Square Land. From Kent, through the forest we go.
[00:22:28] Speaker D: Yes, Roger, I know you have this quest in mind.
[00:22:32] Speaker E: Yes, of course. This quest in mind. This quest in mind to entertain this quest in mind and I can't do it without you.
[00:22:41] Speaker D: Oh, you know everyone. Every clown needs a clown.
[00:22:45] Speaker C: Of course.
[00:22:46] Speaker E: Every Clown needs a crown. And every clown needs a clown.
[00:22:51] Speaker D: Clowns who need clowns are the clowniest people in the world.
[00:22:55] Speaker C: Ow.
[00:22:56] Speaker E: What be that that has just rolled into my foot?
[00:23:00] Speaker D: Oh, it's a paw.
[00:23:02] Speaker E: A paw.
[00:23:03] Speaker B: Oh, thank God. I have been rolling for hours. I didn't think anyone would find me out here.
Please lift me up.
[00:23:12] Speaker E: Oh, why, why, why of course.
[00:23:14] Speaker D: Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
[00:23:19] Speaker B: And that.
[00:23:19] Speaker D: Fill your cup.
[00:23:22] Speaker B: Settled on a stump.
Oh, I've been so sad. Say you wear fancy clothes. Wouldst thou know where a clown might be?
[00:23:33] Speaker E: Why can't.
From my jingly hatch. And from my striped shoes. And from thy balls that I carry around and juggle.
[00:23:43] Speaker D: Indeed. Surely you jest.
[00:23:45] Speaker E: Yes, jest. Indeed I do.
[00:23:47] Speaker B: Ahahaha. What a silly being.
[00:23:52] Speaker E: A silly being be I for. And this be Yorick, my jester. My personal jester. For in order for me to make others laugh, someone must make me laugh too.
[00:24:03] Speaker D: Oh, come on. No, no, no. I swear I couldn't make someone laugh even if they were standing on their tippy tic tac toes.
[00:24:14] Speaker B: That one didn't even seem like a pun though.
[00:24:17] Speaker D: Oh, excuse me.
[00:24:20] Speaker B: I mean, the first jester was so funny. They had tricks as much as all of Jove's sons. And then you said just alliteration.
[00:24:31] Speaker C: Why?
[00:24:32] Speaker D: Hold on, hold on.
You're being sillier than a salamander on a Sunday.
[00:24:42] Speaker B: I. I think.
I think only one of you is funny.
[00:24:48] Speaker D: Oh, no, no, no, no. Fiend. Friends are funny when feeling friendly upon friends.
[00:24:54] Speaker E: Uh huh.
Aha.
[00:24:59] Speaker B: You're not far from the town. I can't be alone in this. I feel gas lit. Go to the town of Squareland. There's many poor sad people who are simply going up and down if they find you both funny. I guess I'm the crazy one.
[00:25:15] Speaker E: Well, we shall take you with us. For since you rolled into us, we would feel terrible leaving you.
[00:25:21] Speaker B: There's a bystander thing. I'm seven. Yeah. Yes, it's. You have to take me with you legally.
[00:25:26] Speaker E: Why of course, little boy. We shall be your new guardians.
[00:25:29] Speaker B: Hooray.
[00:25:30] Speaker D: Hooray.
[00:25:31] Speaker B: A funny parent. And a parent who does alliteration.
[00:25:35] Speaker D: I was.
I used to have it.
[00:25:38] Speaker E: I swear you did, dear, you did. And lose it. You cannot for need it.
[00:25:43] Speaker D: Do I? Aye. Something be wrong with me. Something be wrong. I need my head screwed on tight straight again.
[00:25:49] Speaker E: Oh, Roger. I called you dear. I just want a DTR really quick. That's. We indeed are friends.
[00:25:55] Speaker D: Yes. Maybe a mentor, mentee, sort of situation.
[00:25:59] Speaker E: Why, of course. Fist bump.
[00:26:00] Speaker B: By the end of this play, I'm going to trap my parents. Together
[00:26:07] Speaker E: through the woods we go.
[00:26:09] Speaker B: Step and step and roll and roll.
[00:26:12] Speaker D: I got a pep in each step, step and step, Step and step, step.
[00:26:20] Speaker E: I'm ready. Cause I prepped with each step, step
[00:26:24] Speaker D: and step, Step and step.
[00:26:26] Speaker B: I don't have to pay the toll. Cause I'm simply on a roll.
[00:26:30] Speaker D: Step and step, step and step. They say I'm prettier than Audrey Hep.
[00:26:37] Speaker E: Step and step, step and step. I've got a good reputation. Yes, I've got a good rep.
[00:26:44] Speaker D: Step, step and step, Step and step. We'll save the rest for another ep.
[00:26:54] Speaker B: Three days later Step and step, Step and step.
Oh, the town lions. We've made it.
[00:27:04] Speaker D: Aye, the town lines where lions love to lick. Lollipop.
[00:27:10] Speaker B: It's growing on me.
[00:27:14] Speaker D: Oh, I'll get. I'll get back to it.
[00:27:16] Speaker E: You sure will. You sure will. It grew on me as well. It did. Why my. I must say, Yorick, your eyes are so beautiful. I hadn't noticed before.
[00:27:25] Speaker D: Oh, stop it. Stop it.
You know, just to clarify, when I said I was doing your shoes since you was a kid. I was a kid too.
[00:27:35] Speaker E: Why of course. You and I have grown. Grown up together. And it's been just so lovely.
[00:27:40] Speaker D: Indeed. We both be a bit old now, don't we?
[00:27:42] Speaker E: Yes, of course. We both be in our 50s and not prioritizing each other and ourselves.
I said it again. I've said something weird again and I do apologize so greatly. But when I said prioritize each other, I simply meant prioritizing ourselves. For me having been a jester, prioritizing other people's laughter. And you having been a cobbler, prioritizing a other people's shoes. And you are a seven year old boy and you should not make the same mistake.
[00:28:08] Speaker B: And I'm so hungry.
[00:28:09] Speaker E: Oh ay ay. Feed this child we must, I pray thee.
[00:28:15] Speaker A: Myself and my compatriots are here to guard the lines of the town. Did I hear a child say they're hungry?
[00:28:21] Speaker E: Yes. Why yes, a child is here. This child whose name is
[00:28:27] Speaker D: Skippy.
[00:28:27] Speaker B: Skippy, Skippy.
[00:28:29] Speaker E: Skippy is a hungry child and thou shalt feed him anon.
[00:28:34] Speaker A: Welcome to Squarelin. My partner has a pitch for you. Of a tasty treat.
[00:28:40] Speaker B: Oh God, here comes a song.
[00:28:42] Speaker A: What?
[00:28:44] Speaker C: Ba ta ba da ba ba. Have you ever been alone and you feeling also grown? Here's some fudge.
Delicious fudge.
Have you stumbling, rumbling, rumbling in your tummy, tummy Tummy.
[00:28:59] Speaker D: Here's some fudge.
Fudge, fudge.
[00:29:04] Speaker C: You don't need meat or carrots or vegetables, but have some fudge and it's wonderful. Have some fudge. Have some fudge. Have some fudge.
[00:29:24] Speaker B: What a funny clown.
[00:29:27] Speaker C: It wasn't meant to be funny.
I worked really hard on this.
[00:29:30] Speaker A: It's okay. We can work with this. Just let them try the sample. That gets them in. That gets him into the town, right?
[00:29:37] Speaker C: Oh, yes, we've worked on this young boy and two people that look very much in love.
Would you be able just try just a little morsel of our delicious fudge? Ignore the name, but just try it. And if you like more, come follow us into square land where more will await you. We can't give it all away now.
[00:29:58] Speaker A: We have beautiful beaches.
The fudge is there.
[00:30:02] Speaker C: We have open kitchens where the fudge is there.
[00:30:06] Speaker E: Dost thou by chance have t shirts with the name square land on them? Or mayhaps I square square land?
[00:30:14] Speaker C: We have both that are very much appropriately priced and that do not disintegrate in the Walsh in the basin.
[00:30:23] Speaker D: Do thou perhaps have visors that have on the front of the visor island, square land?
[00:30:31] Speaker C: We do indeed. Of course.
[00:30:34] Speaker E: Doth thou mayhaps have a bobblehead of a celebrity? That celebrity may or may not have anything to do with square land at all.
[00:30:42] Speaker C: We do. We have one bobblehead of a man, mysterious Pete, who you've heard of for sure, and he just went to the town one time and left. And we just.
[00:30:54] Speaker A: He loved the fudge, though. He let us use his likeness. He loved the fudge.
[00:30:57] Speaker C: He licensed it.
[00:30:58] Speaker E: Yes, well, good taste. Mysterious Pete must have, for I love mysterious Pete, and I do love this fudge.
[00:31:05] Speaker C: Would you like another free sample?
We shouldn't. We shouldn't, but we will for them we could.
[00:31:12] Speaker A: If the fudge happens to lay on the ground leading into the town, who knows who may pick it up?
[00:31:19] Speaker C: We. We are just going to start leaving it here and walking away. Goodbye.
Hope to see you soon.
[00:31:25] Speaker D: Step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step.
[00:31:30] Speaker B: And eat a fudge. And roll, roll, roll.
[00:31:34] Speaker E: Step, step, step.
[00:31:36] Speaker C: Follow us in. They will know what hidden.
[00:31:39] Speaker E: Step, step, step.
[00:31:45] Speaker A: Sir.
[00:31:46] Speaker B: Sir.
[00:31:47] Speaker A: I mean, you do not need to call me sir, I pray thee.
[00:31:50] Speaker B: Co equal man.
[00:31:53] Speaker A: I am the count of Squareland. Thou art the count of Kent.
We have the same rank.
[00:31:58] Speaker D: Did somebody summon Co equal man?
[00:32:03] Speaker A: I welcome to the conversation.
[00:32:06] Speaker D: Yes, when my name be uttered, I arrive. It is me. Co equal man.
[00:32:13] Speaker B: Aye, be kind to him. He might Be a tourist.
[00:32:15] Speaker A: He's co.
Yes. If they visit here by nature, they are in fact a tourist.
[00:32:22] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:32:23] Speaker A: He is invigorating. Yes.
Have thee God, I love you, but. Good God, sir.
[00:32:31] Speaker B: What?
[00:32:31] Speaker A: I love thee dearly.
[00:32:33] Speaker B: Say it plain. I as co equals. You could just say it.
[00:32:37] Speaker A: I love thou dearly. Thou art my closest friend.
At least just have more confidence, man. Just. Just with your whole chest. Ah.
Co equal, sir.
[00:32:49] Speaker D: Co equal.
[00:32:53] Speaker A: I pray thee, while I have the two of you here. Co equal. Man. Thou needs must hear this as well.
The tourism industry. The fudge is not enough. We lure them in. The free samples aren't helping. When you look at our cost of goods sold, we're giving away a lot of fudge.
A lot of fudge is just going out the door.
We need a gimmick.
[00:33:13] Speaker B: A gimmick on top of fudge.
A hat on a hat.
We are the town that wears two hats.
No.
[00:33:25] Speaker A: We could.
[00:33:26] Speaker B: Yes. We are the town that wears two hats. The confidence fills my soul and it reaches up to my voice.
[00:33:33] Speaker D: I'm afraid I gave him too much, sir. No.
[00:33:36] Speaker E: Kobe Exchange continues. In the distance they hear step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step, step,
[00:33:44] Speaker C: step, step, step, step.
[00:33:46] Speaker A: The gimmick that we need.
[00:33:48] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:33:48] Speaker A: Something people will come back to see. What? Of what?
[00:33:52] Speaker B: Of a show we can sell the fudge okay to. Is that a show?
[00:33:58] Speaker A: Okay? No, no. The fudge is a snack.
The show is a show.
[00:34:01] Speaker B: The play's a farce.
[00:34:03] Speaker A: Yes. The door is ajar.
[00:34:07] Speaker B: What's the show?
[00:34:08] Speaker A: I don't know. But we need something. We need Co equal.
[00:34:11] Speaker E: Man.
[00:34:12] Speaker A: You are co equal in this. What have you to say?
[00:34:15] Speaker D: Ah. A show thou needs.
[00:34:18] Speaker A: Aye aye.
Ah.
[00:34:21] Speaker D: Well, I don't know. I totally messed up a show myself.
It was supposed to be of two young lovers who were star crossed and ended up happily together. But I mixed it up with my story of two people who die.
Ah. Why? What shall happen now? Two lovers who die unbeknownst knowing that the other was living when thought dead. A silly story it be.
[00:34:48] Speaker A: That sounds pretty good to me.
[00:34:50] Speaker D: No, no, no. There be a nurse in it. Another, an other father. Fun side characters.
[00:34:58] Speaker A: What do you hear in the distance?
[00:35:01] Speaker B: What?
[00:35:01] Speaker A: What is that noise?
[00:35:02] Speaker B: Roll.
I've eaten too much fudge on my teeth. It took a toll.
[00:35:10] Speaker E: Step, step, step, step, step. I need to sit down or I think I'll go reft. Step, step, step, step, step, step.
[00:35:20] Speaker A: Hey look.
[00:35:21] Speaker D: It's the famous ones. That is the best.
[00:35:24] Speaker E: Step, step, step, step, step, step. And that slowly starts to mix with
[00:35:31] Speaker C: up and down, up and down.
[00:35:34] Speaker E: I think that we are the spec factory workers. Around step and down, up and down.
[00:35:42] Speaker D: I think those two over there want to get down. Up and down, up and down.
[00:35:48] Speaker B: And it's my old compatriots. Co equal platonic parents.
These people are putting on a show just for us.
[00:35:56] Speaker E: Aye, Skippy, a show. A show be for us.
[00:36:00] Speaker B: Yes. I used to be one of them. But now, looking upon them as they make the fudge. This is the greatest thing I've ever seen with mine own eyes. People going up and down.
[00:36:09] Speaker C: Up, up and down, up and down.
[00:36:13] Speaker A: All this repetition makes me feel like a clown.
[00:36:17] Speaker C: Up and down, up and down. Skippy, you're here, safe and sound.
[00:36:24] Speaker B: Up and down, up and down.
[00:36:27] Speaker E: I'm a jester, but I think I could throw these balls around.
[00:36:31] Speaker D: Up and down, up and down.
[00:36:35] Speaker A: Edgar, look.
Look at the factory workers. The fudge and the jester. A cock's comb upon his head.
[00:36:44] Speaker B: It's making a sound. Producing me a
[00:36:49] Speaker A: co equal men. What think you here?
[00:36:51] Speaker D: Ah, I have equal feelings to thee. Therefore enjoy it.
But I find here, these be not your co equals. Thee be coercing them into actions to make thee fudge.
[00:37:07] Speaker A: Co equal man. Thou speakest true.
Within this town we have made money for ourselves. A tub of gold for thee, Edgar.
[00:37:14] Speaker B: A tub of gold for me. Botox and Restylane for you.
[00:37:18] Speaker A: Aye. My face has never looked better.
[00:37:20] Speaker D: No.
[00:37:22] Speaker B: Co equal. Sorry.
[00:37:23] Speaker D: Go on.
[00:37:24] Speaker A: No, no, please. Co equal. We're co equal. Kenton Square land.
Square up.
What was that?
[00:37:33] Speaker D: Oh, my. Two more people who I think want to get down.
[00:37:37] Speaker A: I pray, I pray thee, I pray thee, let us go and speak to these jesters. Let's speak to these clowns. See how they feel about getting down.
[00:37:46] Speaker D: Down to clown indeed.
[00:37:49] Speaker A: Go, Equiman. You always pick up what I'm putting down.
Come to the factory floor. Away. Mayhaps our problems may in be shared and therein solved for our tourism problem.
[00:38:01] Speaker D: Yes, I shall just burn this silly play. Who wants to hear the name Montague?
[00:38:09] Speaker A: That was an impressive trick. What's that like to be in the show? That was flash paper. I love that. Co equal man. Well done. Well done.
[00:38:16] Speaker D: Thank you. I once was co equal with a magician, so I can do that.
[00:38:20] Speaker A: Now down to the factory floor before we get on more tangents.
[00:38:25] Speaker C: Down, up and down. We're making some fudge and the color is pink brown. Up and down, up and down.
[00:38:35] Speaker B: I would pay good money to sit and watch that clown.
[00:38:39] Speaker C: Up and down, up and down.
[00:38:42] Speaker D: The wind goes around and we all are blown.
[00:38:46] Speaker A: And down, up and pray thee, pray thee, good workers, good clown.
[00:38:53] Speaker D: Roger.
Platonic mom.
[00:38:57] Speaker E: Roger.
[00:38:57] Speaker D: Now
[00:39:00] Speaker C: it looks like ever since he stopped performing, that he's sad that he's only happiest if he puts on a mask to perform for others.
[00:39:09] Speaker D: Roger, no. Take these bad thoughts and heal.
Why? That wasn't tion.
It was a real.
[00:39:23] Speaker B: My boyish spirit is back.
[00:39:26] Speaker C: Up and down, up and down.
[00:39:29] Speaker E: I read a frown but it turned upside down.
[00:39:33] Speaker D: Up and down, up and down I'm only funny when you're feeling down.
Up and down, up and down that,
[00:39:45] Speaker E: my dear, is so profound.
[00:39:48] Speaker B: Up and down, up and down if we give money to each other we'll keep money in the town up and
[00:39:58] Speaker A: down, up and down this is how fudge will save the town up and
[00:40:08] Speaker B: down, up and down I bring out my whiteboard where I've written it all
[00:40:16] Speaker A: down, up and down, up and down
[00:40:22] Speaker B: the fudge people give money to the clown who buy uses it to buy fudge.
Mounds.
[00:40:31] Speaker D: Up and down, up and down Those are the prettiest eyes I ever have found.
[00:40:41] Speaker C: Up and down, up and down, up and down Love actually is all a
[00:40:50] Speaker B: row Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll I've made my parents share one soul
[00:41:01] Speaker D: Equal, equal, equal, equal, equal, equal. This tale is so nice. I would like a c. Equal, equal,
[00:41:10] Speaker A: equal, Equal, Equal, equal, equal. This tale's so nice that, like a sequel.
[00:41:22] Speaker B: Blackout.
You just heard Ross, Neil, Maria Nally, P.J. nally, who is our co producer, Drew Robinson, who is our editor and co producer, producer and special guest, Annie Razko. You can also see Annie and Maria in their premier musical improv group, Hell yeah.
Hell yeah. That name sounds familiar. If you liked this, you can follow us on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube as alasimprov. We don't have very many posts yet, but we'd love for you to be ready for when we do. Want to get in touch? Email us at Alas improv
[email protected]. alas, the improvised works of William Shakespeare is a Hell yeah. Production.
