#1: Shrek and Zeus

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alas, the improvised works of William Shakespeare [00:00:08] Speaker B: in this episode cast, we haveth PJ Nally Ross, Neil, Maria Nally, Javier Perez, Carly Hayes and Drew Robinson. [00:00:22] Speaker C: And Shrek only exists because there was a coup at Disney, right? And like, Jeffrey Katzenberg had left Lord Farquaad. His animation model is a parody of Michael Eisner, the CEO of Disney at the time. [00:00:33] Speaker D: I didn't know that. [00:00:33] Speaker C: And his name is said so that when you say it with a Scottish accent, it goes from Farquad to Fuckwad. Yeah, yeah, I knew that. So it's a thing of like, Shrek is a very concentrated screw you to Disney. [00:00:44] Speaker E: When you said he looks like Lord Eisner. No, when you said. When you say Lord Farquaad in a Scottish accent, I was like, how is that gonna sound like Eisner? [00:00:52] Speaker B: Oh, Lord Eisner. [00:00:57] Speaker E: I was like, oh, I bet it's gonna sound like Eis. How is Farquaad gonna sound like Eisner? [00:01:03] Speaker B: If you say Shrek in a Scottish accent, it sounds like Alan Menken. [00:01:08] Speaker C: Oh, did you know? Here's a Shrek fun fact. Did you know after Mike Myers came in, he went, you know, it'd sound better with a Scottish accent. 80% rule all of it out and [00:01:17] Speaker A: go back 80% through. [00:01:19] Speaker D: But was he wrong? [00:01:21] Speaker C: No, he was 100% right. [00:01:23] Speaker D: He was right. [00:01:24] Speaker C: Locked in. Yeah. [00:01:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:25] Speaker D: Puss in Boots was really good. [00:01:28] Speaker C: Antonio Banderas can get it forever and always. Yeah. [00:01:31] Speaker A: As a cat. As a man. Doesn't matter. As the dad in Spy Kids. [00:01:35] Speaker C: As the dad in Spy Kids. [00:01:36] Speaker A: As the dad in Spy Kids, Steve Buscemi dropped one of the hardest lines of cinema in the film. [00:01:40] Speaker C: You know that line's on my hinge profile? [00:01:42] Speaker A: Oh, hell yeah, dude. [00:01:44] Speaker B: What's the line? What's the line? [00:01:46] Speaker C: Do you think God too stays in heaven because he fears what he created? [00:01:49] Speaker B: That's a fucking hard line. [00:01:51] Speaker A: That's fucking Spy Kids. Like what? Talk about lines in cinema that do not need to belong there. [00:02:01] Speaker B: And it's Steve Buscemic. Yeah. [00:02:03] Speaker F: We pan up on the clouds. A golden throne purveys over the landscape. [00:02:12] Speaker B: Zeus sits upon a cloud, cowering, cowering, looking down at the world, throwing lightning this way and that. For he be scared of what it could do. [00:02:26] Speaker C: Prometheus enters. For he has been summoned. My lord Zeus. What is it? You wish you called me in here. I was in the midst of a dish. [00:02:36] Speaker B: Ay, Prometheus, I do you know your worth? I am scared of our creation, Earth. [00:02:45] Speaker C: Oh, Zeus, you have nothing to fear, for there are all kinds of people down there, they're wonderful. They make so many things. Why, just last week they gave me a box full of rings. [00:02:59] Speaker B: A box full of rings shall they all linger. A box full of rings shall strangle my finger. [00:03:10] Speaker C: O Zeus, thy fear consumes thee. Please tell me, what can I do to assist thee? [00:03:18] Speaker B: What you must do. Do not act the clown to Earth. You must go down, act as one of them and report back to. Is there anything on earth that is spooky and scary? [00:03:34] Speaker C: Zeus, I'll do this. I'll be your spy. I'll go down to Earth and see whether I spot something that will scare you, that'll give you the tremors, because I want you to feel safe in your endeavors. [00:03:50] Speaker B: Thank you, Prometheus. Of this I am sure. I take care of the world. But who makes Zeus feel secure? [00:03:57] Speaker C: Hera. [00:04:00] Speaker B: Oh, right. [00:04:02] Speaker E: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. [00:04:05] Speaker D: I'm sorry, I'm right here. [00:04:07] Speaker B: I'm sorry. [00:04:08] Speaker D: I'm right here, my lady. Don't move, I'm braiding your hair. [00:04:13] Speaker E: I have to. [00:04:14] Speaker D: I have to. Mom. My husband forgot about me again. [00:04:18] Speaker B: My wife. My wife. Please, do not be wan. It wasn't my fault. It was a beautiful swan. [00:04:25] Speaker E: Swan, Swan. You fear everything in lead. [00:04:30] Speaker D: And then. [00:04:31] Speaker E: But then, oh, what does the point be? [00:04:35] Speaker D: For Zeus is afraid of the Earth. [00:04:39] Speaker C: So, Zeus, is thy mission for me still on the books? Shall I go down to Earth and have me a look? [00:04:45] Speaker B: Have you a look and make sure there are no jump scares. Because this is my greatest fear of this I'm aware but for while I sit here way up above if I cannot have my greatest love at least I shall not have fear this I shall steer oh, that's what I need for my love is both straight and queer. [00:05:13] Speaker C: Then down to earth I shall go but before I will need disguise so that recognition is slow. I'll go figure this out, Zeus, don't you worry. But I gotta go because disguising I gotta be in a hurry. [00:05:29] Speaker B: So go, Prometheus, down to the earth do it for all that you be worth For I have heard. Oh my God, it shall scare me. The words of one Stephen Buscemi and [00:05:47] Speaker E: down upon to earth Prometheus did go for that is how he will then know. Is there anything on earth that does scare Zeus? Or is everything ready to call a truce? A disguise he found and then he went from heaven he came to earth he was saved. [00:06:13] Speaker F: But in the land of Greece the mortals tested their spleen to test a new holiday called Halloween [00:06:22] Speaker C: and Zeus made his Children. And though he should feel love Feel such fear of this day that he stays up above Ay. [00:06:30] Speaker B: And his hopes sometimes did skid. But fortunately he had Prometheus, his dear spy kid. [00:06:40] Speaker E: So down to earth Prometheus did climb Wondering what he would find this Halloween time. And the first thing he saw, he dropped in, turned right. He had hopped onto Salem, Massachusetts on Halloween night. [00:07:04] Speaker F: Hello? [00:07:06] Speaker D: Is anyone there? [00:07:08] Speaker C: This is Prome. I mean, Esther. That's my name. Astaire. [00:07:15] Speaker D: This is my swamp. I said no. I said it wide. I said it low. No trick or treaters can any can come onto my swamp. Who goes there? [00:07:33] Speaker C: Wise ogre? I did not mean to intrude. I can see right now that I am being quite rude. Just open the door so I may ask you a question. I'm wondering whether there's anything that causes frustration or fear or anything of the sort, really. [00:07:48] Speaker D: Strangers. Strangers on my swamp cause me such fear. And how did you know I was an ogre with the door closed? Double rootness. Very rude of you, stranger. [00:08:00] Speaker E: Shrek, I'm making waffles. [00:08:02] Speaker B: Trick or treat. [00:08:03] Speaker D: Oh, dad, I'm overstimulated. There's too many callers at my swamp for I need tranquility and I need simplicity. And I need my sweet, sweet alone time. [00:08:18] Speaker C: Oh, dear. Shrek, I'll make you a deal. I'll get rid of this kid and you'll let me in. [00:08:24] Speaker D: It seems like a steal. [00:08:25] Speaker E: And then, sure, I can be alone with Donkey. [00:08:27] Speaker C: Well, I'll be there too. I just have a few questions to ask the two of you. [00:08:32] Speaker D: All right, dear stranger, perhaps it shall be. Get rid of this kid and you can talk to me. [00:08:38] Speaker F: Child. [00:08:39] Speaker B: Yes, it is I, Prometheus, Lord of fire. [00:08:45] Speaker C: You will leave this place or burn on my pyre. [00:08:50] Speaker F: Is that a new Halloween costume? Is that a costume? [00:08:52] Speaker B: Is that a superhero? [00:08:53] Speaker F: Prometheus. [00:08:54] Speaker C: Prometheus pulls the witch's disguise slightly downwards and eyes come out from his face. Flames come out from his eyes. [00:09:06] Speaker B: Eyes come out from his face. [00:09:13] Speaker D: Thou art so of devil. Thou art a witch. [00:09:16] Speaker C: God shouldn't be scared of you. He should be scared of me. [00:09:19] Speaker D: Shrek, I've gotten rid of the trick or treaters. [00:09:23] Speaker C: Wouldst thou let me in? [00:09:26] Speaker D: Sure. I heard quite a commotion outside my door, but I didn't see anything. I know not how you got rid of the trick or treater, but I am grateful nonetheless for my peace and tranquility. Please, stranger, come in and explain yourself and explain why you're here. Looking for fears. [00:09:44] Speaker E: I know why I'm Here? I'm here because I really like this place. And I think it's a lot of fun. [00:09:49] Speaker D: Donkey, nobody. Nobody asked you. And the waffles are burning. Oh, they're burning. The soot fills the air. You must attend them, otherwise we'll starve. [00:10:00] Speaker E: Oh, I don't want us to starve. I'll be back. [00:10:03] Speaker C: So, Shrek, a question I have for thee. Is there anything here that causes you fear besides the appearance of people on your porch? On thy porch? [00:10:14] Speaker D: Oh. Such questions haven't journeyed through my mind in years and years. The path is winding. I know not what I fear and fear. But other than strangers. Let me think. Perhaps it is my voice. I know not if it's the right one. Perhaps if I were British or Scottish, for one I don't know. My identity scares me. [00:10:45] Speaker C: Shrek, I say this not as a friend, but as a person who has recently met thee. Thy voice, as it is, is terrifying. I think it would horrify Zeus were he to hear it. We must get it changed immediately or he will never be comfortable coming down to this mortal plane. [00:11:03] Speaker D: Stranger, is. Is this. Is this why you came? Is Zeus to descend upon my swamp? [00:11:12] Speaker C: Aye, Shrek. You have proven yourself true. So I shall show my identity and end my ruse. [00:11:20] Speaker E: I got the one [00:11:25] Speaker A: eyes from the face. [00:11:26] Speaker C: Scary face away. Scary face away. I apologize for the deception. [00:11:32] Speaker D: What are you doing? London. I've made it to our home. [00:11:38] Speaker E: Donkey. [00:11:39] Speaker D: Shrek. [00:11:41] Speaker B: Shrek. [00:11:41] Speaker E: I trusted you. [00:11:42] Speaker C: Donkey. Donkey. Donkey. Calm yourself. How many waffles would you like? Give me a number. Donkey, calm myself. [00:11:50] Speaker D: This stranger is here on task from the gods. We must treat him like one of our own and not approach in fear, for he's no longer a stranger in my home. Sure, sure. [00:12:05] Speaker E: Treat him not like it's veggie. Even though his eyes came out of his head, he just lifted his eyes. They came out of his head. I saw them with my own. I have my eyes, you know. My eyes do. They don't do that. [00:12:14] Speaker C: Prometheus opens his mouth and an eyeball does come out. But the eyeball morphs and elongates into a waffle and turns into breading, gets covered in syrup and butter, goes on top and it lands in front of Donkey. [00:12:28] Speaker D: Ooh. [00:12:29] Speaker C: Oh. [00:12:29] Speaker E: Oh. Are there more where that came from? [00:12:32] Speaker D: Could I perhaps have a big, nasty slug? Can a slug come out your mouth for me? I am starving as well, but I [00:12:41] Speaker C: don't eat waffles, so my powers are purely eyeball based. I can make an eyeball that turns into a slug. [00:12:48] Speaker D: That's. [00:12:48] Speaker C: Yes, I shall do that for thee now. [00:12:50] Speaker D: Oh, thank you. [00:12:52] Speaker C: An eyeball comes out of his. There's a slug in front of him. [00:12:57] Speaker D: They feast for hours. [00:12:58] Speaker C: Shrek. I must say, it seems that we are getting away from the plot. [00:13:03] Speaker F: And at that very moment, we see outside of Shrek's Swamp, drawing near the townsfolk of Salem, Massachusetts, approach with fire, clubs, torches, and farm knives. [00:13:19] Speaker E: Ooh, the twick or treats are here. [00:13:21] Speaker D: I've been down this road before. Four, stranger. I've been down this road before with pitchforks and fire. [00:13:29] Speaker C: Hey, hey, ho, ho. These ogres have got to go. [00:13:32] Speaker B: Hey, hey, ho, ho. [00:13:34] Speaker C: These ogres have got to go. [00:13:36] Speaker D: Hey, hey. [00:13:36] Speaker B: Four, six, eight. Which ogres do we hate? All of them. [00:13:40] Speaker D: All of them. [00:13:41] Speaker B: All of them. All of them. [00:13:42] Speaker A: I prithee, citizens of Salem, Massachusetts, in this, the year 1693. I prithee, the citizens of Salem, Massachusetts, in 1693, this ogre has claimed this swamp. In the famously swampy Salem, Massachusetts, has been claimed. We needs must push these from our fronts. We needs must claim our land for ourselves. Ogres donke. The donkey can stay. The donkey can plow the fields. [00:14:18] Speaker B: Donkey provide much comedic relief. We don't. [00:14:20] Speaker F: I wonder if the donkey's single. [00:14:24] Speaker A: Well, we'll have to revisit that one later. [00:14:28] Speaker B: Horse, you're always. You're always looking for an angle. [00:14:30] Speaker C: I believe the donkey be fucking the dragon not in the cards right now. [00:14:34] Speaker E: Depending on what quote is in your hinge profile, perhaps the donkey would change his mind. [00:14:42] Speaker F: Do you think? Grief is just love everlasting. [00:14:46] Speaker B: Okay, horse. Wow. Wow, horse. [00:14:49] Speaker A: That's deep. [00:14:49] Speaker B: Horse. [00:14:50] Speaker E: That's good. [00:14:51] Speaker B: Okay, I didn't like it. [00:14:53] Speaker F: I'll go back to town. [00:14:54] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:14:55] Speaker E: Meanwhile, back up in the clouds. [00:15:05] Speaker B: Volume down, volume down. Volume down, volume down. [00:15:10] Speaker F: Say Ganymede. Does that make you uncomfortable when Zeus mutes his wife? [00:15:13] Speaker C: Deeply, deeply, Hestia, I do not enjoy it. [00:15:19] Speaker F: I've been in Olympus for, you know, eternity. [00:15:25] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. [00:15:26] Speaker F: And I've never seen him treat her well. [00:15:29] Speaker C: Gosh, you know, it really feels like she's getting the short end of the stick. I mean, he just stays here because he doesn't like what he made down there, and she's gotta deal with him. [00:15:38] Speaker F: Yeah, he sets it up in heaven because he's afraid of the creatures he runs. [00:15:42] Speaker C: God's doesn't have a good. I feel like we gotta get him out of here. [00:15:46] Speaker B: Ladies, your ambrosia. Your ambrosia. [00:15:48] Speaker C: Oh, thank you so. Thank you. [00:15:49] Speaker B: Mm. [00:15:50] Speaker C: It's a little early for ambrosia. But I'm so glad we meet for brunch like this. So, Hestia, can of mead. You seeing anybody? [00:16:00] Speaker F: Oh, a local wizard. [00:16:02] Speaker C: A local wizard? Yes, local to Olympus. [00:16:07] Speaker F: He's been sacrificing children to fly closer to the sun clouds to see me every day. [00:16:12] Speaker C: Wait, the children get sacrificed and then fall? It's not one kid that flew too close and then died? [00:16:18] Speaker F: No, it's a different guy this time. [00:16:20] Speaker C: Oh, so you just like people who get their sons killed by the sun? Get kids killed by the sun? [00:16:25] Speaker F: Yeah. But I'm not worried that we're distracting from the main plot. Sometimes I feel that way. I feel like a side character in my own life. [00:16:33] Speaker C: I think this is all I want to hear about. [00:16:38] Speaker F: Well, I've been convincing him that the children of Massachusetts are being eaten by some green monster. But really, he's been killing them to come see me every day. And you know me, I'm a tease. [00:16:53] Speaker B: Ladies, I hate to overhear, but you're convincing him that the children are getting eaten by a monster. But he's the one sending the children into. [00:17:03] Speaker F: I'm giving him the lie. He's killing the children. I'm telling him to tell the townspeople that, oh, it's this big scary green monster. Cause he's weird and different. [00:17:11] Speaker C: You know what I like about you? You're bad when you're messy. It's convoluted. [00:17:14] Speaker F: Ganny. [00:17:15] Speaker B: Hesty. [00:17:17] Speaker F: That's why we're besties. [00:17:18] Speaker D: Harrow. [00:17:24] Speaker C: And we cut from there back down to the swamp. The crowd has now surrounded it completely. Completely. Prometheus is inside discussing matters with Shrek and Donkey. [00:17:35] Speaker E: Listen, I just think they might be really intimidating, but we got the eyeball guy. [00:17:42] Speaker C: I wanna. I would like to say you told me the most terrifying thing was your voice. There's a crowd up there that look much more scarey. [00:17:51] Speaker D: They think that I'm eating them with my voice. They've been told a lie by who knows. Though I suspect the local wizard knows more than he shows. I. I've been framed. Framed by the local townsfolk. And now none of them stay off my swamp. And I can't get any alone time. [00:18:14] Speaker C: Oh, Shrek and Donkey. To stay here is a luxury we cannot afford. But I know a great wizard who lives in Lexington and Concord. [00:18:22] Speaker D: Oh. [00:18:22] Speaker F: Oh. [00:18:23] Speaker C: We must first use your voice to part this great crowd. And when you speak, speak real loud. You will scare them away. Make them think they are eaten. And then we will run whilst they are beaten. [00:18:36] Speaker D: I'm ready. I've never been more ready in my life to get out of this swamp and to end all this strife. [00:18:44] Speaker C: One sec. I shall use my powers to amplify thyself. Oh. [00:18:50] Speaker D: So disgusting. [00:18:51] Speaker C: An eyeball once again comes out of his mouth. It shifts into a megaphone which lands in Shrek's hand. [00:19:00] Speaker D: Get off my swamp. [00:19:02] Speaker B: Cue the roar. [00:19:04] Speaker C: Roar. [00:19:06] Speaker D: Intruders. End your chants or end thy lives. [00:19:11] Speaker E: Yeah, that's right. That's right, everybody. Listen to Shrek. [00:19:14] Speaker B: Hey, hey. Ho, ho. This whole crowd has got to go. Hey, hey. [00:19:18] Speaker D: Ho, ho. [00:19:19] Speaker B: This whole crowd has got to go. Meanwhile, in Greece. I doth feel like our gods turn their attention to others than us. We spend all our days worshipping, kneeling, [00:19:36] Speaker A: sacrificing children to the clouds, telling their stories. [00:19:40] Speaker B: And yet some other guy in that land of whatever they call it, I don't know of it yet. [00:19:49] Speaker F: It's like a new England. [00:19:50] Speaker A: There's a new England, a new world. [00:19:53] Speaker B: It doth take our thunder. [00:19:55] Speaker D: I've heard of it. I've heard of it. Massachusetts. [00:20:00] Speaker B: Aye, sure, Massachusetts. And what are we to do here in Greece? We have so many stories of people transforming and being encountered by the gods. And yet they leave us the second a new world doth appear. [00:20:13] Speaker C: I believe I know the reason for this to be true. [00:20:16] Speaker E: Oh, for. [00:20:17] Speaker C: Priests found. Hello. You all knew me. I didn't think I needed to introduce myself. [00:20:23] Speaker F: This is the Conclave of Grecian Priests. [00:20:25] Speaker D: Of course. [00:20:27] Speaker C: So this may be part of the problem. Christianity has become too prevalent. And I believe Zeus be scared to return to the land where first he created man. We must make this land somewhere that is not scary for a man of his stature, where he knows that there will be no no. Of which he is afraid that we will worship him and love him with open arms. [00:20:53] Speaker E: So you mean, like, no more sacrificing children as an offering to Zeus? Do you mean, like, maybe perhaps in order to worship him, I shouldn't slice open a goat? [00:21:06] Speaker C: No, instead, you should give the goat a carrot. And I think Zeus will find that much more agreeable. [00:21:13] Speaker E: What? But you mean, like, instead, I shouldn't. I shouldn't, like, pick up a snail and then pick up a rock and then squash the snail with the rock? [00:21:24] Speaker D: I want to stress, as the high [00:21:26] Speaker C: priest, these have never been a part of our holy scriptures. These sacrifices just grew naturally. You seem to enjoy them. [00:21:33] Speaker B: Zeus doth not prithee. Seems more a hobby than a religion for you. [00:21:38] Speaker A: It's somewhat of a calling, it seems, but not one sanctioned by the high priest within the Church of The Zeus? [00:21:44] Speaker E: Yeah. I took some liberties on the interpretation, and maybe I've intensified the whole situation. [00:21:51] Speaker C: And thy influence spread like wildfire. [00:21:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:55] Speaker A: Many snails have died. [00:21:56] Speaker C: Animal sacrifices, they be up 10%. [00:21:59] Speaker F: And the land be dyed purple for some reason. [00:22:02] Speaker E: Oh, that was me. That was me. Purple bee, but the scariest, most intimidating color. Purple bee, but the color that blood is after, it dries. [00:22:12] Speaker C: And thou thought that this would make Zeus happy? To be covered in the scariest color possible? Yeah, well, purple is a Hera color. Why would he want to come somewhere that is a Hera color? [00:22:25] Speaker E: Doesn't he love his wife? [00:22:27] Speaker B: Meanwhile in Olympus. Meanwhile in Salem. [00:22:38] Speaker C: We're not in Salem. We're in Lexington and Concord. Meanwhile in Lexington and Concord. [00:22:43] Speaker B: The wizard's house. Meanwhile in Salem. [00:22:45] Speaker A: I prithee, fellow villagers, the ogr hast gone. Horse. I am sorry. Thou needs must seek another donkey. [00:22:51] Speaker F: I don't know where I'll find one of those. [00:22:54] Speaker A: Famously, there's farmland in New England. Famously. Just like the famous swamps of Salem, Massachusetts. [00:23:00] Speaker F: All right. Well, here I go. [00:23:01] Speaker C: Hello. I heard that you are in need of the services of a donkey. [00:23:06] Speaker A: Services may be a strong term for what we're looking for. But this is a horse who. You all should have some coffee together. I believe we must seek our sights towards Lexington and Concord. [00:23:17] Speaker B: Aye, seems the plot be there. [00:23:22] Speaker F: But wait, sir. Surely you are the great wizard with all your wisdom telling us what to do. [00:23:27] Speaker A: I may be a wizard. [00:23:28] Speaker F: Okay, never mind. [00:23:29] Speaker D: We can go. [00:23:29] Speaker A: But we're going to Lexington and Concord. This spell I do cast. Seek the seats there and let it come to pass. [00:23:38] Speaker B: Wow. [00:23:39] Speaker E: Lexington and Concord. [00:23:40] Speaker D: This place is so dry, there's not a swamp in sight. I've never felt more out of my element. [00:23:48] Speaker C: But here there be a great wizard with power. Who will change your voice in this darkest hour. [00:23:58] Speaker B: Who dare disturb it? The great wizard of Khan Concord. [00:24:05] Speaker E: Oh, I see you in trouble. Perhaps I be. [00:24:08] Speaker D: I just want you to know that [00:24:08] Speaker E: it's certainly not me. [00:24:10] Speaker D: Tis I, Shrek of Salem. [00:24:14] Speaker B: Ay. How dare you? What a pity. Coming to Concord, my Emerald City. [00:24:22] Speaker C: Great wizard, we beseech you to give us your aid for Shrek. His voice, it leaves the villagers afraid. And as long as they find, and as long as they run, Zeus will never come down from his home above the sun. [00:24:37] Speaker B: Ah, Zeus, an old friend of mine. To him I shall be kind, but save you from your perdition. I do have for you one condition. [00:24:50] Speaker C: Name it. [00:24:51] Speaker B: Kill the wicked wizard of the West. [00:24:56] Speaker E: But west of us is Salem. You want us to go Back there and kill the wizard. [00:24:59] Speaker B: Kill the wizard or he doth kill the kids. [00:25:02] Speaker C: But thou art the great wizard. What do we call the wizard in Salem? [00:25:07] Speaker D: The local wizard. [00:25:08] Speaker B: The local wizard. [00:25:10] Speaker E: You know, listen, we could go kill, but instead, if there's like a sound that you want me to make, I will. Why don't you listen, wizard? For get this. I can do this. [00:25:23] Speaker B: It feels okay. All right. How is that Dog is still single now with you. I still shall give scorn for that one was really shoehorned. So go for a good wizard. I do be. Go get that wizard who kills those kids, you see? [00:25:44] Speaker D: And then. And then a new voice for me. [00:25:48] Speaker B: Ay, that I shall grant. A voice that shall sound beautiful even in the most charged rant. [00:25:55] Speaker C: Back to Salem. [00:25:57] Speaker E: Back to Salem. [00:25:58] Speaker C: They go back to Salem. [00:25:59] Speaker A: I prithee, villagers, Thou seest me as a wizard who has sacrificed thine children. [00:26:05] Speaker F: What? [00:26:05] Speaker A: It's not true. I have sacrificed the children. Twas not on purpose. It was the ogre eating them. [00:26:12] Speaker B: Hold on. We doth had not said that yet. [00:26:15] Speaker C: At no point. At no point we accuse thee of sacrificing children. [00:26:20] Speaker B: We called thee a wizard. [00:26:22] Speaker F: Thou hast been saying was the green monster. [00:26:24] Speaker C: I pray it was the green monster's voice. [00:26:27] Speaker A: There is no green monster in these hills anymore. And I am now caught within the slime. [00:26:33] Speaker C: And children continue disappearing. Hey, hey, ho, ho. The local wizards got to go. [00:26:40] Speaker B: Hey, hey. Ho, ho. The local wizards got to go. But wait. [00:26:44] Speaker F: Check the vile in your spleens. He does fess it up. He gives himself over. Surely a villain that pronounces himself a villain is only half a villain. [00:26:54] Speaker C: Art thou saying that admitting to being a villain removes thy villainy? [00:26:58] Speaker F: Yeah. It's like if he winks at it, it's like, okay. It's like. Oh, you know, he gets it. [00:27:02] Speaker B: Hold on, hold on. Before you treat him so mild. This is the man who goes out to kill many a child. [00:27:09] Speaker A: Nay, I am on the side of the remainder of the villagers here. I am a villain. I choose the villainous life. It did not choose me. I have chosen it. Thou art somewhat mad, the local wizard I may be. I am with the remainder of the mob on this. [00:27:23] Speaker C: Perhaps moral advice we should not take from the horse who with a donkey wishes to mate. [00:27:28] Speaker F: Okay, I guess I'm fooled by his magnetic personality and strong ideas. [00:27:35] Speaker A: A villain I am. If thou seek' st to claim my life, I understand. I prithee. Dost thou not wish the gift of flight? [00:27:42] Speaker F: I. [00:27:43] Speaker A: Many a child may needs must die to Achieve the sun. But dost thou not wish to fly and to become. Und. We are kept under the yoke of the Grecian gods. This is New England. This is Salem, Massachusetts. [00:27:57] Speaker C: Ay, Salem. This be a place where all should be able to be free and fly [00:28:03] Speaker A: close to the sun. [00:28:04] Speaker B: Aye. [00:28:05] Speaker C: We removed an ogre because of your word. What you have done is unbelievably absurd. [00:28:12] Speaker B: You confessed out of nowhere. And this is. We do say it is not the green one, but thy. We must slay over there. [00:28:23] Speaker F: It's my love. The donkey returneth. And I guess the other two I care about less. [00:28:31] Speaker D: Reveal the local wizard. I must destroy him, for he is the one. I have news that you haven't heard yet. He's the one that's been killing all of the children. What do you think of that? [00:28:44] Speaker C: Thy voice is still terrifying. [00:28:45] Speaker B: Oh, no. [00:28:46] Speaker E: Oh, hey, everybody. Listen to my friend here. When my friend says that. That he's not the one killing the children, it's the wizard. And you gotta believe us. You just gotta believe us. Donkey. [00:29:01] Speaker B: Such humor puts me at ease. Tis unfortunate that I had not caught up with our portion of the plot. For we see the wizard's identity we have already got. And him we. We also wish to kill with you. We are sorry we were all such a pill. [00:29:18] Speaker D: Oh, thank you. Thank you for that gracious apology. This is a village. And now a family. I shall kill the wizard with my voice. I know not if it's actually possible. I've never killed with my voice before. But it is very, very scary. And I shall give it a try. Wizard, prepare to die. [00:29:45] Speaker A: Aye, me. [00:29:47] Speaker B: I. [00:29:48] Speaker D: You've killed. [00:29:49] Speaker F: Ah. [00:29:50] Speaker D: Not 20, but 30, but 44 children. [00:29:54] Speaker C: Shrek, thy voice alone is not enough. But with the rest of the villagers, perhaps we can stuff this wizard back where he came. [00:30:03] Speaker B: Meanwhile, on Olympus. [00:30:06] Speaker D: Hera. [00:30:07] Speaker B: Hera. Hera. Hera. [00:30:10] Speaker D: What is it? Zeus? [00:30:11] Speaker E: Finally paying attention to me. Forever gone. I thought you did. [00:30:16] Speaker B: B. Hera. O Hara. I'm sorry. It's my choice that I discover from you and your voice. But hear me now. It was only out of fear. For everything makes me shed so many tears. But I shall never be scared again if you shall join that ogre, my friend, and scream at that local wizard with that crowd. For with all of you together, you're sufficiently loud. [00:30:47] Speaker E: Then go ahead, if that'll fill your cup. [00:30:50] Speaker D: I'll go down there and you will turn the volume up. [00:30:58] Speaker F: Ganymede. [00:30:58] Speaker C: Let's watch. [00:30:59] Speaker F: This should be good. [00:31:01] Speaker C: Oh, baby. [00:31:03] Speaker B: She sails down to earth. [00:31:04] Speaker D: What's that. [00:31:11] Speaker E: All the glass around breaks and shatters. [00:31:15] Speaker B: Now Shrek and villagers join in this chorus. We shall slay the local wizard in this forest. [00:31:22] Speaker D: Hey, hey, ho, ho. [00:31:27] Speaker B: Hey, hey, ho, ho. The wizard Wizard's got to go. [00:31:32] Speaker A: Ay me. I am slain. [00:31:35] Speaker D: The sound waves envelop the local wizard. [00:31:38] Speaker F: His skin flies off from his bones. [00:31:41] Speaker C: They become eyeballs and fall to the ground. [00:31:44] Speaker E: Oh, they became eyeballs, too. Listen, I may be but a donkey, but you. That was quite loud up there. And quite the feat. And quite the accomplishment. I. Shrek, I got some flirting to do. [00:32:03] Speaker C: Gonky. Art thou flirting with Hera? [00:32:07] Speaker E: Thou art flirting with Hera. I do. Hera, I do make mean waffles. [00:32:13] Speaker B: Meanwhile, in Olympus O me, I be so wan. For it is justice for my wife to flirt with a donkey as I with a sweet swan. [00:32:23] Speaker D: Oh. [00:32:24] Speaker B: Tis woe I have put upon myself. O Greeks. O Greek, I beg thy forgiveness and help. [00:32:32] Speaker C: Cook, Zeus, [00:32:36] Speaker B: cook thy. Call me a cook? I do. [00:32:40] Speaker F: Look, it's a me. The chef to the gods. What can I get you? [00:32:44] Speaker B: Oh, no. They like the chef better than Zeus. [00:32:48] Speaker E: And for as we see time and time again, knocking out the second is never a means to an end. For, as you see, you'll be put to the test. You can knock out however many people you want, but you'll never be liked best. [00:33:05] Speaker C: Shrek, thy voice, it did not change for good. And yet thou hast used it for collective good. [00:33:18] Speaker D: It seems all these strangers are no longer stranger to me, for they no longer fear me, and I them. [00:33:29] Speaker C: I can grant thy wish, if you still have it, but I believe you found a place in which you can inhabit. [00:33:38] Speaker D: I'd like actually to go to Greece. I hear there are a lot of st. Snails around that I could eat. [00:33:43] Speaker C: It's purple, too. I think that you'll really enjoy that. [00:33:47] Speaker D: Now that I know that I can befriend strangers with the voice that is mine, I feel it's time. [00:33:55] Speaker C: Well, then, Shrek, one last gift do I have for thee, O brave hero and your valiant donkey. One last eyeball comes out of Prometheus. It forms and grows and grows and grows. Into a hot air balloon. The first of its kind. Shrek. Take this with the fire I made and fly to Greece. Your story has not been said. [00:34:21] Speaker E: Ooh, that's nice. Bye, Shrek. [00:34:24] Speaker D: Goodbye, Donkey. I wish thee well in thy love endeavors. I shall go to Greece for new journeys and new weathers. I step into this hot air balloon and suddenly I feel different. I feel like I suddenly have an Irish accent. Scottish accent. [00:34:54] Speaker F: He's turning greener. [00:34:56] Speaker D: I'm turning greener. I'm going from accent to accent to. And I'm now British. And who am I? [00:35:02] Speaker C: He's getting more shagadelic. [00:35:04] Speaker D: Oh, dude, I don't know who I am, but I gotta go to Greece. And I've. I've either got to get all those snails. Something's happening to me. This, this, this is. This is. This is a different journey than I ever expected. [00:35:20] Speaker C: Music's coming from the sky. It's Bohemian Rhapsody. [00:35:24] Speaker D: Is this the real life? Is this just fancy? [00:35:29] Speaker C: The balloon continues to fly as Bohemian Rhapsody plays. And he head bangs along to the music. [00:35:38] Speaker D: Shrek, Shrek, Shrek, Shrek part one. [00:35:49] Speaker F: Blacked out. It.