[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alas, the improvised works of William Shakespeare
[00:00:08] Speaker B: in this episode cast, we haveth PJ Nally Ross, Neil, Maria Nally, Javier Perez, Carly Hayes, and Drew Robinson.
[00:00:22] Speaker C: I kind of like it when, like, somebody's legal name is just, like, a nickname. I have a friend Max, whose name, like, his name isn't Maxwell. It's Max.
And if you're listening, Max, I think you're great.
[00:00:37] Speaker D: Yeah, right.
[00:00:37] Speaker C: It's Max.
[00:00:38] Speaker E: Give us more Max Facts.
[00:00:39] Speaker F: Okay.
[00:00:39] Speaker C: Oh, Max fact. He was born in 1996.
He was raised in New Jersey.
[00:00:46] Speaker F: Love.
[00:00:47] Speaker C: He would be better at this than me. He's very funny person.
[00:00:50] Speaker E: He would probably know more Max Facts than you.
[00:00:52] Speaker G: Yeah, I'm desperate to know his PIN number.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: What was his pet's first name? His first pet's name or his pet's first name? Hard to.
[00:00:58] Speaker E: I want to stress. I don't want to steal his identity. I want to steal his mother's identity.
[00:01:01] Speaker H: Yes.
[00:01:01] Speaker F: Yes. What was his mother's mother's maiden name
[00:01:06] Speaker B: and her Social Security number?
[00:01:07] Speaker I: While we're at it, I got onto a third date once without being 100% sure on the person's name.
[00:01:12] Speaker B: Whoa, that's wild.
[00:01:14] Speaker I: The name on the phone was, like, their username on whatever app it was.
[00:01:17] Speaker A: That's still.
[00:01:18] Speaker I: And every time, I'd be like, one more time. I'm so sorry. And then my brain would.
[00:01:22] Speaker H: You were asking on the third date.
[00:01:24] Speaker I: No, I stopped after the second, but
[00:01:26] Speaker G: I don't remember someone's name. I just asked for their Social Security.
[00:01:29] Speaker C: Not number first.
[00:01:31] Speaker B: Yes. And you can look up their name.
[00:01:33] Speaker F: Of course.
[00:01:34] Speaker C: I have a fun fact. This is a fun fact about me and not my very exact.
[00:01:37] Speaker D: It's not a Max.
[00:01:38] Speaker C: When I. So I.
[00:01:39] Speaker E: Sorry, can we get Max in for the Maria fx?
[00:01:41] Speaker G: Yeah.
[00:01:42] Speaker B: He would know more.
[00:01:43] Speaker C: He would know more when I changed my name from Maria Schrader to Maria Nally because PJ and I got married. I put the wrong Social Security number on the form.
And so I got to the Social Security office, and they were like, uh, we can't find you. They're like, have you ever gone by the name Marissa?
[00:02:03] Speaker I: But it was that close. Even.
[00:02:04] Speaker C: It was that close. They were like, have you ever lived in Minneapolis and gone by the name?
And I was like, no. And they were like, do you have a twin sister? And I was like, no. And then I was like, can I just see what I put on there? And they were like, you actually can't. And I was like, how about I. They, like, gave me a little receipt paper, and they Were like, why don't you write down what you are sure is your Social Security number and slide it back. And so I did that. And they were like, yeah, you need to be more careful.
[00:02:32] Speaker B: Whoa.
[00:02:32] Speaker G: Did you for a second think that you had a twin?
That's what I would have thought.
[00:02:37] Speaker F: Oh, that would be so cool.
[00:02:38] Speaker C: Like a twin that I didn't know about, that I find out like, oh,
[00:02:42] Speaker D: that'd be so cool.
[00:02:44] Speaker E: Marisa, twins don't share Social Security numbers.
[00:02:47] Speaker D: I feel like, are you a twin?
[00:02:49] Speaker E: You're right. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know.
[00:02:52] Speaker I: A woman on her marriage day finds out that she can't have her say the numbers set in stone and card refuse to be validated by and far.
[00:03:03] Speaker F: But the true predicament that she's in is that she's found out she has a twin.
For not just as she gone this week, she found a different quest than the one she did seek.
[00:03:17] Speaker J: And for this quest, many things did
[00:03:20] Speaker B: encumber her quest to find the sharer of her Social Security number. She searched far and wide through the kingdom fair to look for that twin.
But would they find themselves fair identities?
[00:03:38] Speaker H: They've been mistaken or maybe stolen?
[00:03:41] Speaker F: The truth is shaken, for as she
[00:03:43] Speaker C: is married and has but now a
[00:03:46] Speaker F: new Mr.
She has discovered that in addition she has a twin sister.
[00:03:54] Speaker B: And this twin sister, we do say was married on the very same day, half a world apart across the sea. Yet their names very similar be and
[00:04:09] Speaker E: their parents divorced when they were quite young.
[00:04:15] Speaker F: But their possessions, which among they do
[00:04:19] Speaker D: have but ripped in half.
[00:04:21] Speaker F: A photo.
[00:04:22] Speaker D: Yes, a photograph.
[00:04:26] Speaker I: We zoom into a marriage office in a small Italian town and we see
[00:04:32] Speaker F: in front of us a bored employee who is wearing but a frown.
[00:04:37] Speaker J: Oh, nothing happens in my shop.
I just give people their checks and their forms and I don't know.
Ah, my father, he was a trapeze artist. Why am I just waiting here alone talking to myself in my kitty? Oh, my kitty.
[00:04:57] Speaker H: Excuse me. It is me, Marisha Schrader. I'm here with my lovely husband, Fabrizio. Fabrizio. Fabrizio, I love you so.
We're here to be married.
[00:05:08] Speaker J: Everyone getting married but me.
[00:05:11] Speaker K: Oh, Senoro, how do you know my name is so?
[00:05:16] Speaker B: How do you know my name is Senoro? Oh, my God.
[00:05:19] Speaker H: Senoro, Senoro, Your name is known across the land Far and wide across the sea.
[00:05:24] Speaker G: Everybody who comes to change their identity comes to you.
[00:05:27] Speaker J: Oh, I know I cannot change anything except my sad fortune.
[00:05:33] Speaker G: I can tell you have passion in your heart and in your Eyes and your limbs.
[00:05:38] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:05:38] Speaker J: Yes.
I have so many things to give.
But here, let me sear your forms. I'll get you all married. I have. I have only myself to be harried.
[00:05:48] Speaker H: If Italy not be what gives you joy, why not embark on a journey to a place far away? Perhaps love is there.
[00:05:56] Speaker K: Ah.
[00:05:57] Speaker J: Every time I chase a love, a love runs a faster Lava is the fastest animal.
[00:06:02] Speaker G: Senora. Senora. You called us in here today because there was something wrong with the numbers. Numbers of my beloved, my betrothed. What? Can you please explain?
[00:06:11] Speaker J: Listen, I didn't want to have to say, but based on the numbers that you give me, your betrothed is not who say. They say they are a.
[00:06:20] Speaker D: What.
[00:06:21] Speaker B: What was the.
[00:06:22] Speaker J: What was the name? It's supposed to be.
[00:06:24] Speaker E: My name is Marisha Schrader.
[00:06:26] Speaker B: Marisha.
[00:06:27] Speaker J: Oh, I hate to tell you, but your lover must really be Marusha Shruda.
[00:06:34] Speaker E: Marusha Shruda.
[00:06:36] Speaker B: Marusha Shruda.
[00:06:38] Speaker J: Yes, yes.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: Come from Bavaria.
[00:06:41] Speaker H: Bavaria.
[00:06:43] Speaker G: Far across the sea.
[00:06:44] Speaker H: Ay.
[00:06:45] Speaker E: So far from Vienna where we be? Vienna, Italy, Vina.
[00:06:49] Speaker B: Yes, Vienna, Italia. The vast sea lie between us and the lands of Germany.
Oh, the harshest sea. That's you. Do a cross.
So I know you to be an impasta.
[00:07:02] Speaker E: I am not an impasta.
[00:07:04] Speaker H: I am an imp. Fettuccine.
[00:07:07] Speaker E: Alfredo, you son of a gun.
[00:07:08] Speaker B: The point is, I don't know, because
[00:07:11] Speaker H: when you said the pasta, it sounded like pasta.
[00:07:15] Speaker B: I was trying to be clever.
[00:07:16] Speaker H: I'm scared.
[00:07:17] Speaker B: Well, you failed.
[00:07:17] Speaker H: The government's coming for me. No, we must.
[00:07:20] Speaker G: We must take cover under the darkness of night.
[00:07:23] Speaker H: My beloved, we must run away to Barovia. It is our only chance for escape. Maybe we can clear up this scheme of mistaken identity.
[00:07:31] Speaker G: I see. See, see, mi amor.
[00:07:34] Speaker H: I love it when you speak Italian.
[00:07:35] Speaker B: And so they set off to Barovia, yet another case of mistaken identity. For the place they really did seek was Bavaria.
[00:07:50] Speaker F: Meanwhile, in Bavaria, Maruska Schruda had also just been married and was thrilled at the prospect of her new life and trying to change her last name.
Next, please.
[00:08:04] Speaker A: Hello. I'm Marushka Shruda. I'm here to see about my marriage license. If thou pleasest, sir.
[00:08:11] Speaker F: If thou pleasest to get a license to be wed. Oh, what about a D Day?
Another thing that's been said. For I myself have never been married. I'm bitter, alone and very, very harried.
[00:08:26] Speaker A: I prithee, sir, I think thou mayst find love in other places. But in this moment, I do seek a marriage with my fellow Febreze.
[00:08:35] Speaker F: Febreze.
[00:08:36] Speaker I: Hello.
[00:08:37] Speaker B: It's a me, Febreze. Spritza. Spritza.
[00:08:39] Speaker A: He's a very damp gentleman. His name follows his form.
[00:08:44] Speaker F: Febreze. Yes, he does. But a smell. Ah, like a rose as sweet. What a wonderful person that you did meet. I'd be so happy, nay, so carry, that I would let you two marry. Now, alas, on your form. There has been a problem, you see, for Maruska Shruda. This name does not match the number I read. The name that matches this number is Marisha Schrader.
[00:09:14] Speaker A: Marisha Schrader is not my name. I make no claim upon that very thing, that piece of fame. Let me see the paper from which
[00:09:21] Speaker F: thou readest this can only be given to the elitist, which is me and not you. So I ask instead to pass this paper through. Write the number that you think I have.
[00:09:35] Speaker B: Okay. I think you want some sort of explanation.
But why you treat this like a negotiation?
[00:09:44] Speaker F: Because once it has been seen to be evidential, Once you give information to me, it's confidential.
[00:09:51] Speaker A: I prithee, sweet Febreze, I need some explanation to thee, my love. The things that we have are governed by those above. This is my number, as far as I can claim it. Does thou see any reason why this person may mistake it?
[00:10:06] Speaker B: I don't.
[00:10:07] Speaker F: Ah, I see. I know why this is taking so long, for on your forms you've written your number wrong. But the number that you've given corresponds with another name, and though they are similar, they are not but the same.
So I do believe that this person you seek in Vienna, Italy, which would take but a week.
[00:10:31] Speaker D: The journey ahead on ocean be merry, make sure it is dangerous, so you must be weary.
It is a terrible place. But now you must go. And I may promise that with thee, though you may find adventure. O lucky day.
[00:10:47] Speaker F: Oh, I never get to go. I just get to say.
[00:10:50] Speaker A: I prithee, good officer, dost thou wish to follow us upon the sea?
We have many hands needed on the ship to Italy.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: Yes, that is right. You shall be heaven sent. And you shall feel for breezes.
[00:11:06] Speaker F: Yes.
[00:11:06] Speaker D: Batten the doors. Pull down the handle. Go ahead. Put out every single candle. For as you can see, this clock will be gone. The doors are closed, the adventure is on.
[00:11:19] Speaker E: We leave this scene and we go
[00:11:21] Speaker K: to
[00:11:24] Speaker E: a ship on the water, sailing towards Barovia, a small, desolate island far off the coast of Bavaria.
[00:11:35] Speaker H: Darling, are we sure I didn't mishear him?
I might have the location wrong.
[00:11:41] Speaker G: Oh, mi amor, this must Be right. Look. Look at the waters. Look at the sky.
The sky is as vast as my love for you. We must be in the right spot
[00:11:54] Speaker H: because I am with you, oh darling of mine O whose glows more than the moon.
If this is what we must do, we'll make it our honeymoon.
[00:12:05] Speaker G: Oh, except one. Nary thought that does vex me so is that we're not actually married yet and I'm married to someone else.
[00:12:18] Speaker H: I think legally speaking, that does seem to be true. But the only person I have eyes for is you.
[00:12:25] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:12:26] Speaker G: Perhaps we should talk to the captain and make sure that we're heading into the right spot.
[00:12:33] Speaker F: Indeed.
[00:12:33] Speaker H: Captain. Captain, please come out.
[00:12:35] Speaker G: Captain. Oh, Captain.
[00:12:36] Speaker L: Yes?
[00:12:37] Speaker H: Oh, Captain, my Captain.
[00:12:38] Speaker L: What? I was sleeping. Have you into my cabin? Been peeping?
[00:12:43] Speaker H: Oh, not peeping, just standing outside of. At a respectful distance, sir. But please, when you are ready, could you come out so we could converse with you?
[00:12:52] Speaker L: Another couple who wants me to marry them.
[00:12:55] Speaker H: Can you do that?
[00:12:56] Speaker L: Famously. That's why people board this boat to get married on the sea. Sea captains can marry two lovers.
[00:13:03] Speaker G: Oh, Captain, my Captain. What do you need from us? What information might you need?
[00:13:08] Speaker L: Well, first you must prove that you're in love. Well, the sanguinity of one's heart must be proven to the captain to produce his art.
[00:13:19] Speaker H: Well, luckily we know many facts about each other.
All right.
[00:13:23] Speaker E: She knows facts about Marieja Schrader.
[00:13:27] Speaker H: And I know facts about my husband, Fabrizio.
[00:13:30] Speaker E: Fabrizio Feldman Frog.
[00:13:33] Speaker K: And I know facts about Max.
[00:13:36] Speaker L: Polly, you are the sole light in my life. Though the sun do shine, a day doesn't start until I hear your beautiful voice.
[00:13:45] Speaker B: Rock.
[00:13:46] Speaker K: So many things. Timmy, you do teach rock. And I want to about Max. Teach rock.
[00:13:51] Speaker L: Paulie, why don't you coordinate this one? We're running a match game.
[00:13:56] Speaker K: A what?
[00:13:57] Speaker L: A match game. They have to answer facts about each other to see if they can actually get married on the sea. By me.
[00:14:03] Speaker H: Do we want the rules explained by a birth?
[00:14:06] Speaker F: In the distance, a ship passes from Bavaria to Vienna, Italy. With Maruschka, Schroeder and Febreze and the clerk on the ship.
[00:14:18] Speaker A: I prithee, good governmental agent, my husband, Fabrize, and I hath not learned thy name. Is there some means we may call you by upon this conveyance thou hast joined us on this quest?
[00:14:29] Speaker D: Oh, yes, of course.
[00:14:30] Speaker F: My name, it is the best.
[00:14:32] Speaker D: For as I have adventure, I know what you seek. You may call me by my given name, Zeke.
[00:14:38] Speaker B: Oh, Zeke.
That's a very good name.
You know my mother had the same.
[00:14:45] Speaker F: Oh, no way. That is so fun. Oh, I did think I was the only one.
[00:14:50] Speaker D: But it is so good to know that I'm not alone.
[00:14:52] Speaker F: Even though now this neighbor's not my own.
[00:14:54] Speaker A: I prithee, Zeke, Thou seem' st a despondent fellow whenever we speak. Thou seem' st not mellow. Is't somewhat of a mood that thou find' st so in? Or art thou seemingly seeking the saddest within?
[00:15:07] Speaker F: Well, the thing that Zeke really does venture is that Zeke really loves an adventure. And it's so terrible and it's so abhorring that so much of Zeke's life
[00:15:16] Speaker D: up until now has been boring.
[00:15:18] Speaker B: Oh, Zeke.
Oh, Zeke, that is so sad.
Me, Febreze was alone as a lady.
I know what it means to feel alone. But once you find the one, you do change your tone.
[00:15:37] Speaker A: Thou needst not be so sad, sir. Zeke, thou art upon the adventure that thou dost seek. Thou art with us upon the sea, heading towards Vienna, Italy. Therein we mayst find some person to help fulfill the adventure that thou needst.
[00:15:52] Speaker F: Ah, yes, of course. To find your twin son. Sister would be exactly what I need. And a on that island over there. Those two people do heed for it
[00:16:05] Speaker D: looks like those two. It is a parent. They're getting married by a parrot.
[00:16:09] Speaker F: Oh, that's so nice. Anyway, back to us.
[00:16:12] Speaker E: In this moment, storm clouds gather over Vienna, Italy.
The way ahead becomes unpassable. Thunderstorms strikes the ocean. There is now winds and large waves crashing over the shore. Specifically in the direction of Vienna. Lidley, the way to Barovia, clean as a whistle.
[00:16:32] Speaker D: Oh, I do hate that we are deterred.
The risk is too much, is what I've inferred.
[00:16:38] Speaker A: Febreze, my love, my dear, we meets must head towards that beachhead. Thou seest.
[00:16:43] Speaker B: Ah, I know it is what we must do with good sense.
But on a deserted island? How can I sell my sense?
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Febreze, my love, we shall find what thou seek.
Look ahead. There is that bird. There is that couple that we did indeed see. Perhaps they need sense is possible?
[00:17:04] Speaker B: Ay, as tis true, I do it know well. For on the sea one develops a smell.
[00:17:10] Speaker F: Then to the beach we shall go. And who is going to get us there?
[00:17:15] Speaker D: Zeke does know. All right, everybody, batten the hatches, close the doors. You've got an adventure. We're ready for more. Go ahead and look at that. Oh, what is that there? Is that a photo? It looks halfway torn. I must say. You better keep that close to your breast today.
[00:17:33] Speaker A: It's true. Twas a gift from my parents during their parting way. They did separate when I was but lass amongst the time. I never thought to ask. Twas a gift, though, to remember my mother. My father did give it to me so I might know her. Shouldst I smother?
[00:17:52] Speaker D: Shouldst you smother?
[00:17:54] Speaker B: My father was a fearful person.
[00:17:56] Speaker A: He believed that many pillows sought my murder. Twas a difficult childhood.
[00:18:01] Speaker G: We see a flock of birds up in the sky, flying above the tempest they are. They're birds that know both sky and ship. They speak to one another about the current events.
[00:18:18] Speaker M: I spy with my ocular orb two couples who could not be farther from together.
They speed along on vessels near, yet one has crashed and is stuck here.
[00:18:31] Speaker G: Oh, that's juicy gossip, Calliope.
Very good for the flock to hear. You hear that, girls?
Who else has some juicy news to occupy the minds of our little bird brain?
[00:18:52] Speaker K: Well, I was talking to my parrot brain.
[00:18:57] Speaker D: Ooh.
[00:19:00] Speaker K: And facts of one Max.
[00:19:03] Speaker B: He did 10.
[00:19:05] Speaker D: Ooh.
[00:19:07] Speaker F: What are the facts?
[00:19:08] Speaker D: I bet Max would tell them best. But in this moment, I'll put you to the test.
[00:19:14] Speaker B: Aye.
[00:19:14] Speaker K: Hear it. Hear it.
[00:19:16] Speaker D: Sure.
[00:19:16] Speaker K: See this, Max comes from a land they call New Jersey.
[00:19:25] Speaker D: Oh, look.
[00:19:26] Speaker M: A whale does spill its contents of its stomach upon the sea. Let us swing down and eat for free.
[00:19:39] Speaker I: The birds land within earshot upon the water of the island from which the first boat had become marooned. A despondent captain, a parrot and a car couple. Soon their swoon.
[00:19:52] Speaker E: And another fact about my beloved is
[00:19:57] Speaker H: that her favorite movie musical is the Wiz and
[00:20:03] Speaker G: Italian Fabrizio says that the fact about my mi amor is that her favorite kind of fall treat is a butternut squash soup.
[00:20:15] Speaker E: Ah, yes.
[00:20:16] Speaker H: Is this enough facts for you, Captain and bird?
[00:20:18] Speaker G: We've been going for hours.
[00:20:20] Speaker H: This is getting absurd.
[00:20:21] Speaker K: Rock, shall you say it's spirits? 11. For they have given us fact 77.
[00:20:28] Speaker L: Honestly, Polly, I can't quite care. Our boat has crashed upon land over there. My whole fortune it be up in flames. Who cares if these couple have the wrong names? Let them be married, I say.
[00:20:42] Speaker K: Rock, I shall agree. And I know the facts. They shall be married. And I know a lot about Max.
[00:20:51] Speaker H: Captain, don't fear. There's not too high of a cost for the photo that I kept was not lost.
[00:20:57] Speaker L: What bearing could the photo have? We have no way off this island, Rog.
[00:21:02] Speaker K: It doesn't seem to help us get off an island. It's true.
[00:21:06] Speaker L: And the tempest be brewing in the sky.
[00:21:09] Speaker E: But it sure makes me feel better. Doesn't it, Rock?
[00:21:12] Speaker K: Who gives a shit?
[00:21:14] Speaker G: Oh, but what do I see in the distance but another ship for perhaps good fortune, good hope, a blessing for me and my love bird.
[00:21:22] Speaker H: Perhaps you can use those wings of yours to fly over there and bring them to shore, Rock.
[00:21:27] Speaker K: I shall, for other birds do squeak.
I shall get to them. Shall take less than than a week.
Specifically five minutes, which is less than a week.
[00:21:41] Speaker F: Meanwhile, on the ship that's heading to Venice.
[00:21:45] Speaker I: No, Barovia.
[00:21:48] Speaker E: The isle of Barovia, which is off the coast of Bavaria.
[00:21:53] Speaker I: I thought they were from Barovia heading towards Vienna.
[00:21:55] Speaker E: Yes, but they were rerouted by the storm.
[00:21:57] Speaker B: They were from Bavaria.
[00:22:00] Speaker D: Mound the hatches. Guard the doors. You've had lots of adventure. And we're ready for more. Come on, Febreze. Guard the ship with ease. I need you to steer the boats, if you please. And go ahead, Maruschkesrude. Do not hide, for you are going to mount the sails on the port side. And as we are here, the captain you seek. I'll get you to shores adventure is seek, my love.
[00:22:28] Speaker A: We have set sail with a madman,
[00:22:33] Speaker B: for he does shout when we be but feet from his face.
[00:22:37] Speaker A: We needs must take a rowboat to the shore. This seems a dangerous place, of that I know.
We needs must escape and leave Zeke to this adventure. I do believe it is fulfilling for his soul. But we nedes must leave. And look, I spy but a parrot across the way.
[00:22:54] Speaker D: Ah, the more danger we but be in, the better. For I know what's best. Everyone never mind Barovia. We're going into the heart of the tempest. For I can quell her, and that
[00:23:07] Speaker F: I know I am into the eye of that I shall go. So let me take the wheel and into the eye of the storm. I say I. The only thing that can be be a parent is that I am.
I can only quick lose.
[00:23:31] Speaker B: While he's finding his words. Go. While he's finding his words. Get in the boat.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: Ay, my love, I have climbed the board. We needs must row away.
[00:23:39] Speaker B: Go, row, row.
[00:23:41] Speaker A: Deek. We leave the ship to you. Set forth and set sail. I saw the lover for thee, but thou art in love alone, it seems to with the sea.
[00:23:49] Speaker D: You're leaving me with the sea?
[00:23:52] Speaker A: Enjoy adventures upon her, Zeke.
[00:23:56] Speaker B: Yes, for you may think our friends are yours the bestest. But you are set to be friends with the tempest.
[00:24:05] Speaker N: Seek. It is I, Calypso. The tempest. And may I just say, damn you look the bestest Calypso.
[00:24:14] Speaker F: O the tempest it be.
[00:24:15] Speaker D: But you I Thought that you were only myth. But now I see that you are true.
[00:24:21] Speaker N: Ay, Zeke. And may I just say that when I look at you, I think of you as my bae.
Come with me, Zeke. Join with me in the ocean, and we shall have babies in love and devotion.
[00:24:38] Speaker D: Yes, of course.
[00:24:39] Speaker F: A tactic this.
[00:24:41] Speaker D: You are not just any storm. You are in love with me. Sailing into you. Yes, I will.
[00:24:47] Speaker F: And you will love me. You will not kill.
[00:24:50] Speaker E: Calypso opens her legs wide open, departing in the clouds. Ship drives straight for it.
[00:24:57] Speaker D: And now, not only has my true adventure been realized, but for a storm. Zeke shall fall for your lives.
[00:25:09] Speaker L: She closes her legs.
The ship disappears.
[00:25:15] Speaker G: The sun blooms through the clouds.
The clouds begin to turn white and then disappear.
[00:25:23] Speaker B: We find on our islands plenty good cheer. For a ship doth approach. Yes, ship number two. This one. But a rowboat and into a woman, it did not do so.
[00:25:36] Speaker H: The 145th fact about my husband is that when she watches the Princess Bride, she doesn't root for the man in black. She roots for Fesik.
[00:25:46] Speaker K: Rock.
Rock. Here I am. I've come back for the telltales. There was a man who sailed a ship into a lady bigger than a whale.
And there be two lovers sailing on a rowboat.
[00:26:01] Speaker L: A boat approaches. We are but saved.
[00:26:04] Speaker D: Rock.
[00:26:04] Speaker B: Tis true.
[00:26:06] Speaker K: Their beautiful scents I do crave.
[00:26:09] Speaker H: But wait. I look now across the water.
The person on it looks like she could be my sister.
[00:26:19] Speaker K: Rock. I agree.
[00:26:21] Speaker B: It do really look fun. That person over there could truly be your sister.
[00:26:28] Speaker D: And that's right.
[00:26:30] Speaker F: These looks, they do flaunt. For both of them looked like they could be sisters.
[00:26:36] Speaker L: The boat hits the shore,
[00:26:40] Speaker D: and of course.
[00:26:41] Speaker F: And we see Zeke, like, shoot up on a tentacle.
[00:26:44] Speaker D: And of course, as I am here on this tentacle, we see that these two do look alike.
[00:26:53] Speaker L: They approach.
[00:26:54] Speaker A: I prithee, we hath escaped the clutches of a madman. Upon the ship we commandeered, my husband, Febreze, and myself, Maruschka. We need must find succor upon the shore. Is that something you all can provide?
[00:27:07] Speaker H: Aye. My name be Marisha. This my husband, Fabrizio. And if you wish for our assistance, we will not say no. The problem is our ship, it was simply marooned. We will not be getting off this island anytime soon.
[00:27:22] Speaker B: Oh, no.
We wanted to find the one who's your sister.
[00:27:28] Speaker G: If only there was some sort of document, some sort of image.
[00:27:33] Speaker H: A document? My goodness, it's so hot in here. Let me fan myself.
[00:27:37] Speaker A: Thou hast half a remaining photograph?
[00:27:40] Speaker H: Yes, of course. I keep this everywhere. This is something given to me by my late father, a great. But a great Viennese Italian man.
[00:27:50] Speaker A: I have here a photograph given to me by my late Bavarian mother. Half a photograph of a gentleman upon a separate ship.
[00:27:57] Speaker I: The two photos glow.
[00:28:00] Speaker A: Magical photographs.
[00:28:02] Speaker G: They float into the air and connect like magnets.
[00:28:07] Speaker F: And when they connect, the rip disappears and the two photos become one once more.
[00:28:13] Speaker B: And what is that?
Do we all see?
[00:28:16] Speaker K: He.
[00:28:17] Speaker B: It's the original clerk walking cross the sea.
Hello. I do a slower clap by myself.
Oh, yes. I feel fit as a fiddle. For you too have solved my riddle. It is me, the clerk from Vienna.
[00:28:42] Speaker L: Clerk. Thou dost have the same appearance as me.
[00:28:46] Speaker B: Ah, it is true.
Yes, you do see.
For we are two. Yes.
[00:28:53] Speaker L: This is the gister that could not be missed. You surely are my brother.
[00:29:00] Speaker B: Yes. The zoo.
And I am their father.
[00:29:05] Speaker E: A locket on the clerk's neck begins to glow. It's been there the whole time. It's half a heart. A locket on the captain's neck begins to glow at the same time.
[00:29:13] Speaker L: Whoa.
[00:29:14] Speaker D: Whoa.
[00:29:16] Speaker E: They come together. The voice of Calypso comes down from the sky.
[00:29:20] Speaker A: My children reunited.
[00:29:23] Speaker N: How beautiful this be.
[00:29:25] Speaker B: For this was the story.
[00:29:27] Speaker N: I am your mother, the sea.
[00:29:30] Speaker D: And of course, the only answer that you do seek is that now you've met your father.
Zeke.
[00:29:39] Speaker E: Stepfather. Stepfather.
[00:29:40] Speaker H: Stepfather.
[00:29:40] Speaker E: Zeke, don't be stepfather.
[00:29:41] Speaker F: Stepfather. Stepfather.
[00:29:43] Speaker G: No one's gonna believe.
[00:29:45] Speaker B: So let me get this straight. I do see Rock.
[00:29:48] Speaker K: We have a very complicated family tree.
[00:29:50] Speaker L: Was that two parrots that just spoke that look identical?
[00:29:53] Speaker G: I'm from the flock right over there. We've been eating this whale while listening to all your tale.
[00:30:00] Speaker D: Rock.
[00:30:01] Speaker K: Well, I look just like you, though.
[00:30:03] Speaker B: I be parrot and you be crow.
[00:30:05] Speaker L: What?
[00:30:06] Speaker G: Another locket around the parrot's neck.
It took. Pulls them together dangerously.
[00:30:17] Speaker D: Whoa.
[00:30:17] Speaker G: I'm uncomfortable. But what's this?
Perhaps I have finally found a brother.
[00:30:24] Speaker K: Rock. Yes. Oh, this I am lovin'.
[00:30:29] Speaker B: Our parents be not siblings, so we be.
We be brothers. For our parents be married.
[00:30:37] Speaker E: Marisha Schrader is looking at all these events and turns to her beloved Fabrizio Feldman.
[00:30:45] Speaker H: My love. All this case of mistaken identity. It just makes me so clear that I want you in my family.
I don't care what it says, laws or numbers. Please take my hand, because I know that we love each other.
[00:31:02] Speaker G: There's but one more factor that I wish to share.
And it's that I love you no matter where.
[00:31:11] Speaker H: Captain. Marry us now and let this be at an end. This is my wife and I don't care who says anything else.
[00:31:20] Speaker B: Ay. And Captain, bring this to full throttle. You shall marry me and my love as if spritzed from a bottle.
[00:31:30] Speaker L: Invested in me is such a power. Now I lay this wedding bower. Let all the couples who wish to join belly up to the bar and be adjoined.
[00:31:47] Speaker G: The clerk slow claps.
[00:31:55] Speaker I: Six months later at a reception hall in Vienna.
[00:31:59] Speaker E: So that's how you two got married.
The numbers aren't right. The Social Security. This is nonsense.
I'm sorry. I can't accept this. You guys are gonna have to go through this again.
[00:32:08] Speaker F: Calypso hears that the marriage.
That the marriage was rejected.
[00:32:14] Speaker G: No.
[00:32:17] Speaker E: Oh, sorry.
[00:32:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:19] Speaker E: No, we can make that work. I'll fudge some numbers.
[00:32:21] Speaker D: Yes, thank you. Make the marriage.
[00:32:28] Speaker B: It's me, Max. I make kiss noises.
[00:32:32] Speaker G: Oh, Max.
[00:32:33] Speaker B: Oh, Max.
[00:32:37] Speaker D: Blackout.
[00:32:41] Speaker F: Wow.
[00:32:44] Speaker L: I'm gonna cut.
[00:32:46] Speaker I: You just heard P.J. nally, who is our co producer and played a Viennese wedding clerk. Febreze Paulie, the parrot, Max. And a gossiping seagull. Marie Annale, who played Zeke, the Bavarian wedding clerk and a gossiping seagull. Javier Perez as Marisa Schroeder. Calypso, the Tempest goddess, a Viennese marriage clerk and a gossiping seagull. Carly Hayes, who played Fabrizio Feldman, Paulie's identical twin crow and a gossiping seagull. Ross Neil, who played Maruska Schroeder and a gossiping seagull. And Drew Robinson, who is our co producer, sound designer and played the clerk's cat and the sea captain. And Calliope, the gossiping seagull. If you liked this, check us out on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube as alasimprov. We don't have very many posts yet, but we'd love for you to be ready for when we do. If you want to get in touch, email
[email protected] Alas, the improvised Works of William Shakespeare is a Hell yeah production.
