[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alas, the improvised works of William Shakespeare in this episode. Cast. We have it. P.J. nally, Maria Nally, Harley Hayes and Drew Robinson.
[00:00:20] Speaker B: Did anyone have a Chia Pet ever?
[00:00:22] Speaker A: No, but I know I've redesigned from the commercials.
[00:00:27] Speaker B: I had one, and it did not grow. It didn't cha cha ch. It didn't cha cha chia. It just sat there bald.
[00:00:35] Speaker C: I had one at work, but it just got moldy.
[00:00:37] Speaker B: Oh, but did it grow?
[00:00:39] Speaker C: It did grow, but it got pretty moldy.
[00:00:40] Speaker B: Was it. What animal was it?
[00:00:42] Speaker C: It was just a tower. Just a clay tower.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: Oh, God.
How repressed were you like this?
[00:00:48] Speaker B: Is this.
[00:00:49] Speaker C: Is this last year?
[00:00:51] Speaker A: Were you okay this last year?
[00:00:53] Speaker C: Jer?
[00:00:53] Speaker A: No. That is the saddest. That is the saddest gfx.
[00:00:57] Speaker C: I work in finance. They were, like, ahead, too. Im a porcupine. No way.
[00:01:03] Speaker B: No, no, no. How about a tower?
[00:01:05] Speaker A: We need to keep order in this office.
[00:01:07] Speaker C: A citadel.
[00:01:08] Speaker A: We need confined fun.
[00:01:09] Speaker D: Everything in office must be office themed.
[00:01:12] Speaker C: They came around and they shaved off the curves off all the furniture. It's 90 degrees.
[00:01:18] Speaker D: A square office in every sense. Yeah, in every sense, an office square.
In every sense an office bare Fun
[00:01:31] Speaker C: to be had was found nowhere in every sense an office square.
[00:01:36] Speaker A: And though you think they may have learned their lessons no. They made sure every light was made
[00:01:43] Speaker B: fluorescent for in this office no shape you shall find Unless it has edges fine like that of a square like that of a rectangle but not that of a pet.
[00:01:56] Speaker D: And office, yes, but people, too, they are square. Interact. They do, but in the most professional way Static. Stoic is how they pray until one
[00:02:13] Speaker A: day in walks for a delivery. Oh, a man most hippity dippity he be the UPS come guy who's always appearing to be high and yet in the reality, that is just his personality.
[00:02:31] Speaker C: His short sleeves are short. His shoes are squeaky. His.
Oh, I had a rhyme. His personality could not be less meeky.
[00:02:43] Speaker D: And in order to placate the office with impatience all he brings with him for them to play before his package comes One stress ball.
[00:02:57] Speaker C: Receiving. Please put your name on the line with the time that you came in the door.
[00:03:04] Speaker B: Sure. Yeah.
[00:03:05] Speaker D: Here's my autograph.
[00:03:07] Speaker C: Auto autograph?
[00:03:08] Speaker B: No, sorry. Just like a little. A little joke.
At the UPS. I have to sign things all the time.
[00:03:13] Speaker A: Diane.
[00:03:15] Speaker C: Mr. Bennetts.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: Did I hear cursive?
[00:03:18] Speaker C: No, no, Mr. Bonnets. It's a plain black pen writing Roman letters.
[00:03:23] Speaker A: Good.
Roman only.
Even Greeks. That's a bit much.
[00:03:30] Speaker C: Mr. UPS man. You see what you do to me?
You've got me all flustered and in trouble.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: Oh, I'm sorry, Ms. Secretary. I didn't mean to fluster or ruffle your feathers. You seem stressed. Here, have this ball.
[00:03:46] Speaker C: It's so squishy and slick.
[00:03:49] Speaker B: It's a texture unlike anything in this square building. How could you live like this with these fluorescent lights and all of these angles? Though I'm used to angles holding all of my UPS boxes, I live a fluid and curvy life as I go through all of my routes and travel to all the different buildings.
[00:04:10] Speaker C: Let me look at this sign in sheet going full Kermit.
Huh?
John Wild.
[00:04:19] Speaker B: Yeah, that's my name. Don't wear it out. Sorry. Just like another joke.
[00:04:23] Speaker C: You're blowing my mind, John Wilde. Who do you have to deliver this. This crazy shaped package to?
[00:04:31] Speaker B: It was supposed to be. Looks like it's for floor nine.
[00:04:35] Speaker C: Floor nine?
[00:04:36] Speaker B: Why do you look like that? What is that glimmer in your eye?
[00:04:40] Speaker C: That's where the accountants live. They don't even go home.
[00:04:45] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:04:46] Speaker A: Whoa.
[00:04:47] Speaker B: They need to chill. They need to relax.
[00:04:50] Speaker C: I'll buzz you into the elevator, but from there, it's on you, John Wild.
[00:04:56] Speaker B: All right, here I go.
[00:04:59] Speaker C: Here, before you go, take this space pen. It will write in any direction.
[00:05:07] Speaker B: Okay, thanks. You can keep the stress ball. You're gonna need it.
[00:05:17] Speaker D: Ah, yes, and a happy Tuesday to you, too.
[00:05:21] Speaker A: Happy Tuesday.
I have double clicked pon your reports and found them most edifying.
[00:05:28] Speaker D: Ah, I doth appreciate that and do believe that we shall put a pin in the reports for now and circle back anon.
[00:05:37] Speaker A: Ah, indeed. Circle back. We shall ping you. I shall, upon your device.
[00:05:43] Speaker D: Ding.
[00:05:44] Speaker C: The intercom says that healthy snacks have arrived.
[00:05:48] Speaker D: Ah, healthy snacks. Why, what a treat.
[00:05:51] Speaker A: Indeed. I do love my three square meals a day.
[00:05:58] Speaker B: Hey, is this floor nine?
[00:06:02] Speaker D: This be but floor nine. You be but a stranger.
[00:06:04] Speaker B: Ah, yeah.
[00:06:04] Speaker D: Brown shorts, brown shirt, brown hat.
[00:06:08] Speaker B: I know that stands out in this gray fluorescent place, a warm color such as brown.
But I hear I have a delivery. I have a box for this floor.
[00:06:19] Speaker A: Oh, please, please put it down. And thou must have gotten so dirty out there to have a brown garment.
[00:06:27] Speaker B: No, no, this is just the color of my clothes.
Color?
[00:06:32] Speaker A: Color, Color.
[00:06:33] Speaker D: Why color be not one of the core values?
Why? The core values be embracing change 1
[00:06:41] Speaker A: and sustainability 2 and cross functional collaboration
[00:06:48] Speaker D: 3 and leadership through personal accountability 4.
[00:06:54] Speaker C: The four square values. Values.
[00:06:58] Speaker D: We shall say them one more time just for memory's sake, okay? 1.
Embracing change 2.
[00:07:05] Speaker A: Sustainability 3.
Cross functional collaboration 4.
[00:07:11] Speaker D: Leadership through personal accountability.
Whoa.
[00:07:16] Speaker C: All of the cubicle workers smile up at the sky hearing the core values quoted.
[00:07:23] Speaker D: Wow.
[00:07:25] Speaker B: I've never heard of anything like this. I usually at the UPS we don't have core values like that. We just like have the radio in our truck.
[00:07:32] Speaker D: Why no core values? Why without core values? I would not know. But who I am or what my values were.
[00:07:40] Speaker A: Indeed, it would be like I wore a book without words in it. Just a paper rectangle. What use have a paper rectangle? Not good for building that be so I tried with my brother when we were but nine and the paper rectangles were ruined in the rain. Ah, my brother, my brother. Where could he be? Ever since sailing upon the sea. The sea full of things that are most rough and angular. Miss my brother. I do. Thank God I am accountable through leadership. Otherwise I might break down and cry tears of in polygon nature.
[00:08:21] Speaker C: Jensen.
A big blocky man enters the office. Did I hear you talking about a life outside of the office? A brother. A person who doesn't work for this office.
[00:08:32] Speaker A: Yea, verily. I was speaking to what a bad life is.
[00:08:38] Speaker C: But he was on a boat, correct?
[00:08:40] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:08:42] Speaker C: The one acceptable hobby besides horses.
[00:08:46] Speaker A: Yes. Yes. Will he be delivering goods on the boat?
[00:08:51] Speaker C: Oh, in pursuit of business.
[00:08:53] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:08:53] Speaker B: Sorry.
Are you the. You're the boss here?
[00:08:57] Speaker A: I.
[00:08:57] Speaker C: Boss is not a title. My title Be director of Head managering of accountants.
[00:09:04] Speaker B: Well, this. This boss.
[00:09:05] Speaker A: Level three.
[00:09:06] Speaker C: Level three. I can show you my certificates.
[00:09:10] Speaker B: Sure. You can do that if you want. But I don't really. I don't really need to. I just need you to sign for this.
This package I'm just here to deliver.
[00:09:19] Speaker C: O. Okay. How irregular.
I'll allow it. Place it in my hands Here.
[00:09:26] Speaker B: You can use my space pen.
[00:09:28] Speaker C: A space pen?
[00:09:31] Speaker D: Space.
[00:09:32] Speaker A: Either can write up, down, left, right, forward, back and in dimensions not yet discovered.
[00:09:43] Speaker C: I.
I could lift the box in the air.
[00:09:48] Speaker D: Why? Why, sir? Be that you embracing change.
[00:09:52] Speaker C: I feel so irregular. I. I can't sign for this package. I. I do it.
[00:09:59] Speaker A: I shall cross functional collaborate.
[00:10:03] Speaker C: If you can help me through this, I will note this on your Q4 returns.
[00:10:12] Speaker B: If I weren't any wiser, I would think that I were high. But I am as sober as a kite. This. I can't believe this is happening in front of me.
[00:10:22] Speaker C: We have signed for the package together. Me and Jensen.
[00:10:26] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:10:27] Speaker A: We shall notate it in our annual goals reporting.
[00:10:31] Speaker C: Per annum.
[00:10:32] Speaker A: Per annum, not per month.
[00:10:39] Speaker C: And my signature is a square.
[00:10:42] Speaker A: And my signature is my signature square.
[00:10:48] Speaker B: Awesome.
That's great.
I'm really excited to see the little bits of change that the UPS is bringing you all. Why don't you open the package? I normally don't do that with customers.
Not that you're a customer buying this from me, but I kind of want to know what's inside and how it might affect you.
[00:11:08] Speaker D: Okay, well, if you doth request that we open the package, please fill this form out.
[00:11:16] Speaker B: Sure. Can I have the space pen back?
[00:11:19] Speaker C: I can't wait to get this dreadful thing out of my hands.
[00:11:23] Speaker D: And I am here to cross function.
For thou can write with the space pen on thine own that does not need to cross. Functional collaborate.
[00:11:32] Speaker A: The UPS man be displaying leadership through personal accountability.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: I'm drawing loop de loops and doodles and beautiful, beautiful flowers with colors.
[00:11:49] Speaker D: How sustainable.
[00:11:53] Speaker A: May I have pt?
[00:11:58] Speaker C: You mean personal training? Of course.
[00:12:04] Speaker A: Personal time.
[00:12:10] Speaker C: On my own, I can't even process this request from thine lips.
I will open the box, and then I can turn my mind to all of this.
Rip.
And the lights flicker.
[00:12:26] Speaker B: Oh. Whoa.
[00:12:27] Speaker C: And a sinister laugh is heard.
[00:12:31] Speaker B: This doesn't happen on the truck.
[00:12:34] Speaker C: A tiny clown gremlin bursts from the
[00:12:38] Speaker B: box
[00:12:41] Speaker C: and skitters away into the electrical socket.
Elevators close emergency mode. Stairs close emergency mode.
[00:12:53] Speaker B: Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. The windows are being barred.
[00:12:58] Speaker D: This be but change. That is quite scary for me to embrace.
[00:13:01] Speaker A: Indeed change. Hard to embrace. The lights out sustainability.
But accountability.
No person but a gremlin. How can it be personal?
[00:13:16] Speaker C: A voice comes over the intercom. If you want to see the sun, you must show me you can have fun. Restore the curves and put colors on your face if you want to survive this boring race.
[00:13:34] Speaker D: The the only one who's shown that we could have even a little bit of fun. Be but thou clothed in brown.
[00:13:42] Speaker A: John.
[00:13:42] Speaker C: The visitor name tag says John Wild.
[00:13:46] Speaker D: John Wilde. I believe that in this company, you doth have a promotion.
[00:13:53] Speaker B: Wow. So I work for you. And you, too. P.S. now, yes.
[00:13:57] Speaker D: Thine Art. The CFO. Chief Fun Officer.
[00:14:02] Speaker B: Okay, so maybe to start, you guys could just. You could take some of these stress balls.
[00:14:09] Speaker A: Whoa, whoa. So many stress balls. Be in your coat.
[00:14:12] Speaker B: They're kind of my special interest. I love a stress ball.
[00:14:15] Speaker A: It says, designed by John Wild.
[00:14:18] Speaker B: It's kind of my passion, you know? Passion. You all know what that is?
[00:14:24] Speaker D: I doth remember from a past life there be but a motto. Follow your passion. Find your place.
[00:14:31] Speaker B: I tis a motto that has stuck in my mind since the beginning of time. For I may be a UPS truck driver, but I also am artistic and have an Etsy shop.
[00:14:44] Speaker A: An Etsy Shop?
You mean an electronic transparency super corporate? Yes.
[00:14:53] Speaker B: Shop, no. It's like a business of your own, where you get to put your passions on a platform and that sustains you.
[00:15:01] Speaker D: Aye, but if there be a business of my own, then there would be no one to report to. No boss, no hierarchy, no chain of command.
[00:15:11] Speaker B: Mine lady, you report to thine own.
[00:15:15] Speaker A: How doth thou have a town hall meeting?
On zoom.
[00:15:21] Speaker C: On my own. All hands. All hands. Show me. All hands.
[00:15:25] Speaker A: All hands. All hands.
[00:15:27] Speaker C: Too much. All hands detected. Too much fun detected. Too much fun detected.
Evacuating the oxygen from the ninth floor.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: Oh, no, wait. So we both have to have fun. To break the cur.
To break the curse. And we can't have fun or else we'll lose the oxygen.
[00:15:46] Speaker D: Ay. For the office has set up so that no fun can be had.
[00:15:50] Speaker A: Initiating X. Look up.
[00:15:56] Speaker C: You merge table to the air back into the floor.
[00:15:59] Speaker A: Indeed. The formatting was messed up, but that just means I get to stay late.
[00:16:04] Speaker D: Ah, how lucky art thou. For although thou may have family and friends and community, may thou not forget the thine community here.
[00:16:13] Speaker A: Indeed, a brotherhood of man and woman and other folk.
[00:16:18] Speaker B: That's me.
[00:16:19] Speaker C: I think the building is both reacting to us here in this room and the fun gremlin. I don't know if we can overcome this problem ourselves.
[00:16:29] Speaker B: Perhaps if we trick the building into thinking that we're not having fun.
But in the trickery, we do have fun.
Sorry, I'm not high, I swear.
[00:16:45] Speaker D: Ah. It be a two birds and one stone conundrum. A metaphor. Ooh, ooh, ooh.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Dangerous. Be a metaphor.
[00:16:54] Speaker B: So I shall take up your angular shapes and join you in this fluorescent room and pretend.
[00:17:04] Speaker D: Ay, thou art our boss.
Ay. I do have but an idea for fun. Let us migrate 4ft to the left to the water cooler.
[00:17:13] Speaker C: Aye.
[00:17:14] Speaker B: Oh, okay. Yeah.
[00:17:17] Speaker D: This be but fun. Take a cup of conical shape.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:17:25] Speaker A: Bubbles.
[00:17:26] Speaker B: Alright, I'll take a sip.
[00:17:28] Speaker D: Now I take a sip. Okay.
[00:17:32] Speaker B: Lukewarm.
[00:17:32] Speaker D: The water be.
[00:17:34] Speaker B: I. Tis the same temperature as the air.
Enough of this.
[00:17:42] Speaker C: Why have you wedded my face?
[00:17:43] Speaker B: This isn't fun. You all need training. You all need to understand.
We need to find our sense of play. Training. Training. A module.
[00:17:53] Speaker A: A tool. A training module. Ooh.
[00:17:55] Speaker C: Ooh.
[00:17:55] Speaker A: I hope it's not skippable.
[00:17:58] Speaker C: I hope it has us answer a tiny quiz every five minutes to ensure that we haven't navigated away.
[00:18:04] Speaker A: Yes, and the quiz might have 10 questions. And if one be wrong, the module thou must go back to. But it shall not tell you which was wrong. So thou must go through thou answers again.
[00:18:15] Speaker D: I pay such close attention, but sometimes I do get an answer wrong just so that I may do the module again.
[00:18:22] Speaker A: Training.
[00:18:24] Speaker B: No, no, no,
[00:18:29] Speaker A: no.
[00:18:30] Speaker B: We need to rewrite your minds.
We need art.
We need colors.
[00:18:39] Speaker A: Conditional formatting.
[00:18:42] Speaker B: Take my stress ball. Take it, squeeze it as tight as you can and twist it till it bursts inside of the stress balls exude a colorful puff of puff of air. And it paints the walls one wall pink, one wall magenta, one wall blue, and the ceiling yellow.
[00:19:04] Speaker D: Why, I've never seen but so many colors in one place before.
[00:19:09] Speaker B: Aye, twill boost morale and will trick the building into thinking you're being more productive and yet satisfy the fun. Gremlin's curse.
I We must keep finding our sense of play.
[00:19:25] Speaker C: Stairwell opened, but only to the 8th floor.
[00:19:29] Speaker A: Progress a floor be unlocked.
[00:19:33] Speaker B: Let's go.
[00:19:34] Speaker D: And on the 8th floor be human Resources.
[00:19:37] Speaker C: We can take my the supply cart.
It will get us there faster on the stairs.
[00:19:45] Speaker B: That sounds like fun. You can slide down it like you know what a slide is on a playground, right?
[00:19:52] Speaker C: Yes, I see everyone. I had the memory of sliding in a winter to an old man who took it from me. Taking the burden of a happy memory.
[00:20:00] Speaker A: Ah yes, I did sell the memory of winter so that I might have bought my wife hair combs.
[00:20:08] Speaker D: Ah yes. And I but sold my hair so that I may.
[00:20:14] Speaker C: You both are married.
[00:20:17] Speaker D: Ay, we but forgot.
[00:20:19] Speaker A: Ah, so enraptured by our Q4 results, were we.
[00:20:24] Speaker D: Well then, to the 8th floor we go. Because we must report our relationship paperwork.
[00:20:29] Speaker A: Ah, let us go and execute perseverance, for I do fear we be in some sort of severance.
[00:20:37] Speaker B: This is not fun yet. But let's go down to floor eight and see what human resources have to say.
For floor eight is the roundest of numbers. Wee, wee, wee.
[00:20:53] Speaker C: And I'm sorry, your health insurance will be cut off today.
And this is not something we want you to think of as a bad situation, but more of a good situation hiding away from you.
[00:21:05] Speaker A: Indeed, we are going to strip your badge from you. But understand that the badge may being stripped, but your people contribution to the company shall be remembered for its past existence.
[00:21:24] Speaker C: We see a two headed. Nope, that's too fanciful.
[00:21:29] Speaker B: Go ahead, go ahead.
[00:21:32] Speaker C: We see two identical twins dressed in one suit together firing an intern who has a purple scrunchie.
[00:21:45] Speaker B: You're fired. What have you say, twin number two?
[00:21:49] Speaker C: I think that the way forward is for some of us a way out. And for you that is the case.
[00:21:58] Speaker A: Excuse me?
It's a purple scrunchie. I mean, you claim that's a statement against the company.
It's just. But I like this isn't coming from us.
[00:22:11] Speaker B: It's not coming from us. Do you not notice the color scheme of floor eight?
[00:22:17] Speaker A: Yeah. I've never heard of a company for whom color scheme be a requirement.
[00:22:22] Speaker B: You do not understand that if our building finds out that you have a purple scrunchie, we, we may lose but all of the oxygen within our lungs.
Whoa, guys.
[00:22:37] Speaker D: That was sick.
So fun.
[00:22:41] Speaker B: Yeah. Good job.
[00:22:43] Speaker A: That was Sack.
[00:22:44] Speaker B: No, guys, it's okay. Yeah, it was Sack. Yeah.
[00:22:49] Speaker D: Rosencrantz Guildenstern. I do but have paperwork that must be filled out for I am in an office marriage with another Samantha.
[00:22:59] Speaker C: You been married to Jensen?
[00:23:02] Speaker D: I. Yes, we but forgot for having spent so much time on the ninth floor.
But our be browned friend right here has shown us.
[00:23:12] Speaker B: Ay. Tis such whimsy. I see in the hearts of these two. The love that they have is gotta be approved by hr.
[00:23:21] Speaker A: You see. You see his voice be but a surfboard upon a wave.
[00:23:26] Speaker B: Yeah, but I. But my board be my truck.
[00:23:30] Speaker C: You all are so lucky that this room beeth the only room that the computer systems cannot listen to. Otherwise no oxygen for any of you. That is in the company handbook.
[00:23:41] Speaker B: Which you all have your own personal copy of.
So there are no excuses.
[00:23:46] Speaker A: Excuse me, but the company handbook, it's like a never ending document that like I keep scrolling and scrolling and my word, the cursor thing on the right of my Microsoft Word keeps getting smaller and smaller until it almost vanishes. And, and I could not read the whole thing. You see, I. The scrunchy section did not appear within pages 1 2000.
[00:24:14] Speaker C: Did you try Control F?
[00:24:17] Speaker A: I did Control F. And it found infinite results for scrunchie.
[00:24:23] Speaker B: Then you know. You understand that upon floor eight, no scrunchies shall reside.
Actually, I, I kind of think that the scrunchie is pretty cool.
[00:24:34] Speaker A: Thanks.
[00:24:35] Speaker B: It's a really, it's a, it's a beautiful color. Can I see it?
[00:24:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh my God. It fits your hair perfectly.
[00:24:42] Speaker B: Thank you so much.
Even under my UPS cap.
[00:24:47] Speaker A: Wow. I've never seen someone in this office so charismatic.
[00:24:53] Speaker B: Oh, I, I, I actually run this place now. I'm the cfo.
[00:24:59] Speaker A: Oh, right.
[00:25:01] Speaker B: You guys, I'm the cfo.
[00:25:02] Speaker D: That'd be correct.
[00:25:03] Speaker C: Chief Fun Officer.
[00:25:04] Speaker B: Chief Fun Officer?
[00:25:06] Speaker A: Wait, not even the Chief Funicular Officer who runs our funicular railroad?
[00:25:12] Speaker D: Not even the Chief Funicular officer.
[00:25:15] Speaker B: No, I'm not the. I don't know how to finick.
And I. And I just. I know art and I know ups.
[00:25:26] Speaker D: Oh, no.
[00:25:27] Speaker B: He's back.
[00:25:28] Speaker C: Me thinks this building start to stink. You cannot escape unless with your co workers.
[00:25:34] Speaker B: You drink.
Oh. Oh, cool. Nice. All right.
[00:25:40] Speaker D: Here.
[00:25:40] Speaker B: I actually I have a flask on me.
[00:25:42] Speaker D: A flask.
[00:25:44] Speaker C: I have my own room temperature yogurt beverage.
[00:25:49] Speaker B: Sorry.
[00:25:51] Speaker C: I can give you some if put out your hand. You can have some.
[00:25:55] Speaker B: No. Here, have some of this Jameson. Here, you have some of this.
Here you have this curly straw.
In Grey Goose, I have a different flask for every different alcohol in case I need to bond.
[00:26:17] Speaker D: Aye, a veritable Mary Poppins you are.
[00:26:20] Speaker B: Tis true.
Whoa.
[00:26:22] Speaker A: And this spoonful of espalone makes my room temperature cottage cheese go down.
[00:26:29] Speaker B: That's disgusting. You guys are being gross with your dairy.
[00:26:35] Speaker D: I.
[00:26:37] Speaker B: That's so gross.
[00:26:40] Speaker D: And this gray goose throws swirly straw.
[00:26:43] Speaker B: I don't want it. All my work.
[00:26:46] Speaker A: Tell it, tell it, tell it.
Be person. Show me how you can let us
[00:26:52] Speaker C: know about your warm dairy.
[00:26:54] Speaker D: Do make my microwaved California roll go down.
[00:27:00] Speaker A: Oh, I can smell the heat off the mayonnaise.
[00:27:04] Speaker C: And a single drop of the microwaved California roll in Grey Goose drops onto the floor, shorting out the electrical and opening up a hole to floor six.
[00:27:19] Speaker D: Whoa.
[00:27:19] Speaker B: We skipped a floor. It opened an enormous hole to floor six.
[00:27:24] Speaker A: Meanwhile, briefly on floor seven.
[00:27:28] Speaker C: Why does no one see?
[00:27:31] Speaker B: Nobody ever wants to come to floor seven. Nobody ever wants to come to it.
Oh, we're really helpful.
[00:27:42] Speaker A: We can solve any problem.
[00:27:46] Speaker C: A hole straight from the ceiling to the ground.
[00:27:50] Speaker B: It skipped us completely.
[00:27:53] Speaker A: Oh, I'm submitting a ticket.
[00:27:57] Speaker C: I'm gonna go power shell this.
[00:27:59] Speaker B: Meanwhile, on floor six.
Everybody gather with your documents.
[00:28:08] Speaker D: Oh, yes. Everybody gather, gather, gather, gather, gather, gather, gather, gather, gather.
[00:28:13] Speaker A: Legal is assembled.
[00:28:15] Speaker B: We are the ones that compose the training documents that all employees must read so that their scrolling never stops. Why?
[00:28:23] Speaker D: Yes. For we want to ensure that our company is covered and safe. So we, the office of general Counsel, will make sure that nothing does happen.
[00:28:35] Speaker B: Angela, did you fix that scrunchy clause?
[00:28:37] Speaker D: Oh, I did. I made sure that we are safe in a court of law.
[00:28:43] Speaker B: Good, good.
[00:28:44] Speaker A: How about in a court of basketball? Just in case shit shall add more to the document if we are protected in court, Even nonsense ones.
[00:28:55] Speaker B: Good, good, good, good.
For we've never seen seen a ball on floor six. No, no, no.
[00:29:03] Speaker D: Can you imagine
[00:29:06] Speaker C: a hole?
This is against our indifferent scroll. I shall consult about this.
[00:29:13] Speaker A: The hole. The hole. The scroll. The scroll. It takes a toll. It takes a toll.
[00:29:17] Speaker B: Hey. Hey, down there.
[00:29:20] Speaker D: Oh.
[00:29:20] Speaker B: Someone is communicating with us through the hole.
[00:29:24] Speaker D: How's it going?
[00:29:26] Speaker B: And a merry Tuesday to you. My name's John. John Wild. I'm a UPS driver and I'm also cfo.
I was seeing how the hole impacted your floor, and if maybe me and everyone from floor nine and floor eight could kind of jump down and blow past floor seven completely, because we don't really need them and join you on.
[00:29:52] Speaker A: Listen, you may be chief Funnel Officer, but we need not your narrowing mind here.
[00:30:01] Speaker C: No, this is. I have sanctioned this. In fact, it's actually on the calendar.
[00:30:08] Speaker D: The calendar may never be defied.
[00:30:11] Speaker C: Yes, and you just haven't seen it because we have not shared the calendar with you.
[00:30:17] Speaker B: You're doing so good. Here, have another drink.
[00:30:21] Speaker D: A limey, but fun.
[00:30:24] Speaker A: Oh, you look so good in my scrunchie still.
[00:30:28] Speaker B: Thanks.
Do you want to borrow my space pen?
[00:30:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:32] Speaker B: Here.
[00:30:33] Speaker D: Whoa. Whoa.
[00:30:33] Speaker B: You can write in any direction.
[00:30:36] Speaker A: Whoa. I'm going to write up.
[00:30:39] Speaker B: Try diagonal.
Wow.
All right, guys, let's jump down to floor six.
You and I can go together because since we have some romantic tension.
[00:30:51] Speaker A: Oh, I like how you name it. Plainly.
[00:30:55] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm just. I say what's on my mind. You guys, don't do that.
[00:31:00] Speaker D: Say what's on my mind. Why I've never.
[00:31:04] Speaker B: Give it a shot before you jump. Everyone before they jump down to floor six must say one thing that's on their mind.
[00:31:14] Speaker A: Last week, I received a high five for good merits. I did at work, and I didn't care.
[00:31:21] Speaker B: Now jump.
Great. Great job.
Next.
[00:31:27] Speaker C: I want to be on a boat in the summer.
[00:31:31] Speaker B: Oh, that's great. Jump.
[00:31:35] Speaker D: This morning, I received an email and did not reply immediately. I read the email and figured I'd reply later, and I still haven't replied.
[00:31:46] Speaker C: Whoa.
[00:31:46] Speaker B: Now jump. Wee.
All right. Tis but I who must go last.
And I just have to say, I hope we remember this summer forever. I love you guys as though you're my own friends. Now, I know that's silly to say that we. To think that we bonded so closely, but I do see thee as my brothers and sisters. Except the scrunchy one. I like her. We jump wee.
[00:32:17] Speaker C: Whoa.
Co workers into friends, into family.
And so the office body politic descend from floor to floor. First six, then five, then three, back to four.
[00:32:33] Speaker D: And as the office body politic descended, the gremlin himself shrunk until he ended.
[00:32:40] Speaker B: For as the friend group grew, the fun gremlin shrunk and his powers got weaker as the colorful building began to bloom.
[00:32:52] Speaker C: Only one more lesson I have for you to take. Although you have learned to have fun and to fake, you shall not escape. You shall not get out until with your co workers, you take a smoke break.
[00:33:08] Speaker D: Whoa.
[00:33:09] Speaker A: I.
[00:33:10] Speaker B: We are on floor four, which has the biggest of windows.
[00:33:14] Speaker C: And we are in Office 20, which has all the rolling papers for cigars.
[00:33:20] Speaker A: Indeed. They were previously used for parchment.
[00:33:24] Speaker B: And I have this other box.
[00:33:28] Speaker A: Whoa.
[00:33:28] Speaker B: Box of another box. I am but a UPS driver, so me having a box makes a lot of sense.
[00:33:35] Speaker D: Aye, it does.
[00:33:36] Speaker C: What sort of box could we open on floor four at office 20?
[00:33:40] Speaker B: I want.
I want Scrunchy Girl to open it.
[00:33:43] Speaker A: Whoa.
[00:33:44] Speaker B: Please do us the honor. Open the box.
If you give a little sniff, you might know what's within.
[00:33:55] Speaker A: It's a crunchy box.
It's a really crunchy box.
[00:34:00] Speaker B: That's right. Drugs will do that.
[00:34:04] Speaker A: Drugs.
[00:34:06] Speaker B: Aye. Someone grab the papers and I'll grab what's in the box. And let's roll.
[00:34:12] Speaker D: Aye. Is this an activity that at work, you commonly engage in?
[00:34:16] Speaker B: Uh, yes.
[00:34:18] Speaker C: Is this something I could do on a boat?
[00:34:21] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:34:22] Speaker A: Is this something we could do together?
[00:34:25] Speaker B: Yes.
It's something we can all do together. And it'll help us be really creative, which will solve our problem.
[00:34:37] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:34:38] Speaker D: Right.
[00:34:39] Speaker C: Screen Wipe to 20 minutes later.
[00:34:43] Speaker B: Right, Right.
[00:34:45] Speaker C: How do I know that the same boat that you stand on is the same boat that I stand on?
[00:34:52] Speaker B: Whoa.
[00:34:53] Speaker A: Because it's like if I take away piece by piece from that boat and replace them slowly, at what point is the boat the boat?
[00:35:04] Speaker C: And at what point is the warranty lost
[00:35:11] Speaker B: a rift? The building begins to shake and tremble, and a rift begins to open and. And another hole goes to floor one. We skipped floor. Floor three and two, or floors three and two.
[00:35:25] Speaker C: John Wild, is that you up there?
[00:35:29] Speaker B: Hey, Secretary, I have your pen. You can keep it.
[00:35:33] Speaker C: It looks better on you.
[00:35:35] Speaker B: Oh, thanks. Another person I've been flirting with. I'm very charismatic.
[00:35:40] Speaker C: Quickly. I've managed to keep the. The doors in the lobby open, but I can't hold him much longer.
[00:35:48] Speaker B: Oh, we must hurry, for the oxygen might leave the building.
[00:35:53] Speaker A: Let's go.
[00:35:54] Speaker D: Aye, let's go.
[00:35:56] Speaker B: Let's all hold hands and jump through this hole together.
[00:36:00] Speaker A: Oh, your hand is so. So.
[00:36:10] Speaker B: We made it to floor one, and
[00:36:12] Speaker C: all the fun slowed our descent.
[00:36:14] Speaker D: That's true, Kai. We be but unharmed.
[00:36:18] Speaker B: Where's the gremlin?
I feel. It feels lighter.
[00:36:22] Speaker A: It feels like the gremlin's inside of all of us now.
[00:36:26] Speaker C: You need to hear a little laugh come from all over your hearts.
[00:36:30] Speaker B: Whoa. I've become an angel in your heart?
[00:36:35] Speaker C: And I'll see you next time. You see Start to have fun and to lose your edge.
[00:36:43] Speaker D: And although it from that day seemed strange, this was one way that this company embraced change.
For even though they found their shared tables to be so collaborative, they were sustainable.
[00:37:00] Speaker A: And indeed, they moved with slowness, not agility.
And by giving themselves a break, embraced personal accountability.
Leaders by leadership, leadership by a personal accountability.
[00:37:20] Speaker C: And by teaching themselves to have joy and have fun, they've also satisfied core principle number one.
[00:37:28] Speaker B: And together they created an Etsy shop where they sold scrunchies and space pens.
[00:37:36] Speaker D: And doing that together in this great nation satisfied the core value of cross collaboration.
[00:37:49] Speaker B: Yay.
[00:37:52] Speaker C: And that's the story of Enron.
[00:37:58] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh.
[00:37:59] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:38:00] Speaker C: You just heard P.J. nally, who is our co producer, Maria Nally, Carly Hayes and Drew Robinson, who is our co producer and sound designer. And back to Carly for one minute. Carly is one of the stars of a brand new musical podcast, the Reality Shaper. The Reality Shaper is a D and D inspired fantasy musical podcast that combines epic adventure with moral exploration. A queer enemies to lover arc. Guys, I am so excited for this. They are so cool. I could go on, but I'd rather let them speak for themselves. Here's the trailer.
[00:38:35] Speaker B: Once upon a time, in the fantastical
[00:38:37] Speaker D: city of Sadrella, there was a guardsman named Boris.
[00:38:40] Speaker B: Boris. Right, Boris.
[00:38:41] Speaker D: Boris.
[00:38:42] Speaker B: Boris Cadet.
[00:38:43] Speaker D: Boris Dragonheart.
[00:38:44] Speaker C: Boris Dragonheart.
[00:38:45] Speaker A: I've seen Boris forever. Boris, Boris, Boris.
[00:38:48] Speaker C: I want to do what's right Boris
[00:38:50] Speaker B: Dragonheart I want to do what's good.
[00:38:53] Speaker D: And he's a bit of a goody two shoes.
[00:38:55] Speaker B: I want to do everything and anything I should. Whose life gets thrown into chaos when he discovers something dark happening under the surface of his city?
[00:39:04] Speaker C: How could so many kids go missing without anyone noticing?
[00:39:07] Speaker B: Unsure who to trust? Will Boris crack under the pressure? Or will he team up with the very dangerous criminal he just met? I am the big Bad.
[00:39:16] Speaker C: You're.
You're not very big.
[00:39:18] Speaker B: I am the big bad.
[00:39:20] Speaker C: Seriously, what are you, like, five feet?
[00:39:22] Speaker D: That's me.
[00:39:24] Speaker B: Is this a bunny cop situation or enemies to lovers? Will he get his big victorious hero's welcome?
Or is this song just in the trailer as a red herring?
Find out in season one of the Reality Shaper, a musical podcast launching June 9, 2026.
Now get out of my house, Boris.
[00:39:48] Speaker C: Okay. Wasn't that awesome? Please, please go. Subscribe Rate Review binge the first five episodes of the Reality Shaper available wherever you are listening to this podcast right now because that's how the Internet works these days. Seriously, go pause this and go subscribe to that. Goodbye.
Oh, you're still here.
I'm assuming you must have paused and subscribed to them and come back to this.
So let's get the final moments of the show on the road. If you liked this, go ahead and check us out on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube as alasimprov. We don't have very many posts yet, but we'd love for you to be ready for when we do. If you want to get in touch, email
[email protected] Alas, the improvised Works of William Shakespeare is a Hell yeah production.
