[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alas, the improvised works of William Shakespeare.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: In this episode, the Casteth be Ross, Neil, P.J. nally, special guest Ethan Crump and Drew Robinson.
[00:00:22] Speaker A: That's a great phrase, though. Inflection point as like a. Here's where it changes. It's the inflection point of the show. It changes everything.
[00:00:28] Speaker C: It's where the second derivative goes from positive to negative.
For all you math fans out there.
[00:00:35] Speaker D: Oh, hell yeah.
[00:00:36] Speaker C: Wait, I guess Shakespeare existed before calculus, right?
[00:00:42] Speaker B: Isaac Newton.
[00:00:44] Speaker C: What years was Shakespeare alive?
[00:00:45] Speaker A: He really kind of started 1592, I think 1580. Either late 80s or early 1590s or when the plays really started being produced and we have records of.
[00:00:55] Speaker C: Yeah, I think that makes sense because I think Isaac Newton was after that in the 1600s.
[00:00:59] Speaker D: Wait, we didn't have calculus until Isaac Newton.
[00:01:01] Speaker C: Isaac Newton invented modern calculus to solve physics problems is my understanding. But I think there's another mathematician named Leibniz who also developed it.
[00:01:12] Speaker D: I just naturally assumed it was like the era. The era of Pythagoras.
[00:01:18] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:01:19] Speaker A: Oh, yes.
[00:01:20] Speaker B: You guys know Pythagoras was a cult leader.
[00:01:22] Speaker C: I've heard of this. And isn't it the thing where he was like, irrational numbers. Those don't exist.
[00:01:27] Speaker B: It went farther than that. He was like an animist. Every plant he forbid his followers, if I'm getting this right, to eat plants because plants were reincarnated people.
So you could eat meat, but not many types of plants.
[00:01:42] Speaker C: Oh, like animals. But animals were not reincarnated people.
[00:01:45] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:01:46] Speaker A: So it's like a weird backwards Buddhism where he's like, no, no, no plants. Absolutely not. Killing other things. Pop off kings. Go for it.
[00:01:54] Speaker C: And you can actually eat people because they're just reincarnated plants, which we all know is okay to eat.
[00:02:00] Speaker A: So that makes cannibals just a salad. They just eat salad. All the various philosophers at the time, completely insane. Plato was actually a wrestler. Homie won the Olympics for wrestling. Like, so you imagine Plato's like, ah,
[00:02:12] Speaker B: yes, it's the cave.
[00:02:13] Speaker A: It's the allegory.
[00:02:14] Speaker D: The cave.
[00:02:14] Speaker A: It's like, no, motherfuckers, I'm a suplex. You. You're going to learn about reality today.
[00:02:19] Speaker B: Actually, baffling, I think Plato, the name. Plato was his wrestling name. And it came from how hard his head was, like, plate.
So I guess like, his opposite would be like a really bad philosopher named, like, Lasso who just like, shatters.
[00:02:34] Speaker C: Oh, I thought you were gonna say his opposite would be the rock or something like that.
[00:02:38] Speaker A: No, when you think about it, Plato Effectively was like if Dwayne Johnson showed up and started philosophizing us right now.
All right, kiddos, we've got time to start learning about how you feel about life.
[00:02:48] Speaker C: I do think that There's a good 10% chance that Dwayne the Rock Johnson is the President of the United States in the next 40 years at some point.
[00:02:55] Speaker A: This is on tape. We have Nostradamus in the house. We have predictions. This is grand.
[00:03:01] Speaker C: 10% president, 30% governor of some state.
[00:03:05] Speaker A: Oh, governorship for sure.
[00:03:07] Speaker D: I could actually see.
[00:03:08] Speaker C: Yeah, totally. Arnold Schwarzenegger is governor, dude.
[00:03:11] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: Within the bounds of western California, we do see a land rife with opportunity. Behold, actors as far as the eye can see, bearing in mind the governance of the land. A people divided, houses torn asunder. The thoughts, the thinking, the feeling, the cults all kept in stay of violent swats.
[00:03:36] Speaker D: We be here, the wonderful land of California, Greece, where philosophers doth roam and share their punches well as their thoughts, for they do battle in all realms, both physical and spoken.
[00:03:57] Speaker B: The highest acclaim that one would ought for is the Hollywood laurel leaf, so named for the holly tree and the laurel branches now combined together in a terrible philosopher's crown.
[00:04:13] Speaker D: We see here two star crossed philosophers.
One believing brawn is the root of brain. One believing brain is the root of brawn. Does strength come from mind or mind from strength? Shall they resolve this inner conflict between them? Shall it destroy them before they can consummate their love?
[00:04:37] Speaker C: And as all great orators of the time, they are duking it out on the public stage, both mentally in debate and physically in fight.
[00:04:48] Speaker D: We see a scene of two assistants running every which way scared, for their masters do argue with such vehemence and such burning loving passion.
[00:05:04] Speaker A: I pray thee, fair Demetrius, wherein doth our masters and their virtuous Duennus and the virtuous Plato seek to fight upon the stage.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: Ah, Duaneus and Plato. They both be running late without a nary of regard for us little people that support them. Thou would think that philosopher, whose mind was commonly turned towards the common people would bear more thought for us common folk.
[00:05:31] Speaker A: I, Plato, do not think of thee, Demetrius, or myself, fair Valentinus. Upon this backstage event we knees must go high and fro, searching for the laurels and the hollies in order to make their crown for the philosophizing. The mere people in the stands only get to hear their fair theorizing and speechifying, wherein we must dwell behind these curtains and see no good deeds amongst the stage.
[00:06:00] Speaker B: Ay, they do not see us Rouse Plato from his bed every morning. 11am the wastrel half drunk and full naked.
[00:06:08] Speaker A: One such as he hung over and stuck. He may speak of the cave, but let me tell thee, his mouth is of the stench of one. When he awakes, having quaffed too much
[00:06:18] Speaker B: wine the night before, his mouth do be a cave. Plato's mouth is a cave.
[00:06:24] Speaker A: Plato's mouth is a cave wherein the light do shine the reality upon which we may see.
[00:06:29] Speaker B: And we're just the teeth watching the moving images in it. You and I, Valentinus.
[00:06:34] Speaker A: Demetrius.
Thou shouldst be upon the stage.
[00:06:38] Speaker B: Me?
[00:06:39] Speaker A: Thou shouldst philosophize amongst Joannes and Plato.
I heard the fair speech thou just made. Thou art a philosopher at heart. Thou hast the words wherein thou mayt the lands, the hearts of the people.
[00:06:54] Speaker B: Me and my poor country education from the hills of California. Greece. How could I entertain the masses and spin honeyed words when I surely am a farmer's son?
[00:07:06] Speaker A: Demetrius, a farmer's son thou art. Yet thou hast the heart of a philosopher. Where? In the philosophy? Plato is upon the stage, wrestling. Duennus is on the streets wrestling. Thou art the one who has the brains to think, the brawn to fight.
Thou mayest claim the laurel thyself mine
[00:07:27] Speaker B: edge be that I be not a wrestler. I. I wrestle for the laurel and the holly with words.
[00:07:34] Speaker A: Words alone. Thou art frail and weak. Thou art not a wrestler, but thou art an orator.
[00:07:40] Speaker B: Go on, describe my form more.
[00:07:42] Speaker A: Thy form? Thy form is as limp and lifeless as Duanes is large and manly. Thou art the peak perfection of the Grecian form. Airy wrist, dainty and bird like. Thou art as fine as if a breeze may blow thee away.
[00:07:58] Speaker B: A truly syphilitic nature, propped up by toothpick limbs supporting a grand hydrocephalus.
This is the type of leader Greece needs. You are right, Valentinus.
[00:08:09] Speaker A: Ay, thou art a thinker. We needs must away. There is tonight a fresh debate. One that includes both words and the wrestling thou needs must step upon the stage.
We will dawn upon thee a robe, make thou head even larger. Thou shalt be the largest head wherein thou mayest claim the laurel for thyself.
[00:08:30] Speaker B: They shall call me Galaxy Brain.
[00:08:32] Speaker A: Aye, away we go, south of these Hollywood Hills. Come, Demetrius, we fly.
[00:08:37] Speaker C: Plato.
You s' more you not think like me.
Dwaynis, Is I the one who has the bronze in order to lift up the brains?
[00:08:53] Speaker D: You don't see, do you, Dwaynus?
I see beyond what your mortal little eyes do see.
I see the forms upon which your muscles are built.
[00:09:09] Speaker C: Who are you to come to me to criticize my body? To criticize the way I work out, the way I build muscle, the way I train?
[00:09:19] Speaker D: Who am I?
Who am I?
I am thought incarnate.
I see you there, moving. Moving as though your body be not a heavenly form participated in. And I come over to tell you that I see your body and I see what you do.
[00:09:42] Speaker C: Oh, your eyes are stuck in the clouds. Leto.
[00:09:46] Speaker A: Be here.
[00:09:46] Speaker D: Be now.
Feel.
[00:09:49] Speaker C: Feel what you have.
[00:09:50] Speaker D: I can't. If I feel what I have, I shall collapse under my own weight. Like a dying star. Star. So many heartbreaks have befell me.
[00:10:00] Speaker C: I don't know if to pity you or hate you more.
To think one not enjoying the fruits of the world, one spending their life just wondering in their own mind. A prison is what I say. You say I'm in a prison. I say you're in a prison, Plato. A prison of your own making.
[00:10:20] Speaker D: If I be in a prison, you be in an eggshell not yet hatched and not yet in the world. The prisoner has tasted freedom. Yea, the egg has tasted nothing.
[00:10:34] Speaker B: A crowd starts to draw, seeing these two philosophers argue for free on the street.
[00:10:39] Speaker A: Philosophy fight.
[00:10:40] Speaker D: Philosophy fight.
[00:10:42] Speaker B: They're pulling out the muscles.
[00:10:44] Speaker C: If I eggshell. Nay, not possible. I would break it. I'm too strong. That eggshell couldn't hold me. It would have to be a shell made of metal. And even then I would break it.
[00:10:55] Speaker D: Oh, you break everything. You break and break and break. I make. I made those children understand the world. You only make them see biceps.
[00:11:09] Speaker C: I made them enjoy their lives.
Made them taste the wine, the foods, enjoyed the sensual pleasures that is California.
Greece.
[00:11:21] Speaker D: Ay. These students, they know not what they do. They be but 23 years old, three quarters of their lives done a whole quarter yet to live.
[00:11:33] Speaker A: Rangers has exceptional features, but it seems more for physique looks, not necessarily for the actual modifications and the use.
[00:11:43] Speaker C: I will have you know, sir, that I. I can lift 20 men if a need be. They are practical Indeed, these muscles.
[00:11:51] Speaker D: 20 men indeed. 20 men. Literally.
[00:11:54] Speaker C: Thy say hyperbole. May I have committed, but the point still stands.
[00:12:01] Speaker B: I liked when they talked about the eggs. I want to eat a metal egg.
[00:12:04] Speaker D: That not be our point.
[00:12:06] Speaker C: The only eggs I want are for protein in the morning.
[00:12:09] Speaker D: These plebeians are. I just wish I could be in a chamber with thee to argue dark and away from the others.
[00:12:16] Speaker A: There's some strict undertones happening here, though I don't know what I like. I like the idea Of a private room, though. Can we watch? A private room?
[00:12:23] Speaker C: What do you say? That Plato and I, Duennus, have a secret love affair of some sort?
[00:12:30] Speaker D: Ha, ha. No. Could be impossible. The last creature upon this orb with which I would touch.
[00:12:41] Speaker B: They're standing so close that their noses are touching.
[00:12:44] Speaker C: I could think of nothing more ridiculous.
[00:12:47] Speaker A: Maybe.
[00:12:48] Speaker C: What's next? We capture lightning and use it to power things. That's the.
[00:12:57] Speaker B: What?
[00:12:58] Speaker D: Because I do touch his nipples with disdain. You do say that there be something betwixt us. No. I touch with hatred and I rub his.
[00:13:08] Speaker C: I put my fingers through his luscious hair.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: Ah.
[00:13:12] Speaker D: Ooh.
[00:13:12] Speaker C: If only I had this hair. I shaved my head. As you all can see, Greece is
[00:13:17] Speaker A: pretty famous about being okay with relations. You don't have to be angry at each other. It's perfectly fine.
[00:13:22] Speaker B: Yeah, I've got three dads that.
[00:13:25] Speaker D: Stop. Stop. I'm done. I'm done. I don't like this anymore. I quit. I quit the competition. Return to my cave. I shall take the crown. Dwaynas.
[00:13:36] Speaker A: Ah.
[00:13:37] Speaker C: Thank you.
Victory is mine.
All I need to do is defeat tonight's competition and I will have won.
[00:13:46] Speaker D: I begone to my king.
[00:13:48] Speaker C: Begone, you.
I go to train in the mountain.
[00:13:54] Speaker B: Mother. It is me, Demetrius.
I come back to look upon your face one more time. For where I go tonight, I may not return from. Mother.
[00:14:06] Speaker D: Fair Demetrius, Thou hast often returned earlier than expected.
Thou art a responsible boy. Thou art so smart.
Thou art smarter than the philosophers who doth fight.
[00:14:21] Speaker B: I fear it be my giant smart smother that get me into a fight that has outpaced my frail body this time.
[00:14:29] Speaker D: O, my son, my son. Why, I hear tales of winds greater than 10 miles per hour. That is not weather for thou to be outside in.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: No, for I did both get blown away once and another time taken by a small bird.
[00:14:45] Speaker D: Ay, thou were in a nest for six whole months. Missed thee, I did. But the new language thou came back with of tweets was most invigorating.
[00:14:58] Speaker B: Oh, I now think of that as a past idea. An ex idea. These tweets.
[00:15:04] Speaker D: Aye, an X idea one taken over for a new purpose.
[00:15:09] Speaker B: But now, mother, I crave a blue sky of thought where any man among the rabble could speak his mind and perhaps vote for better policies.
[00:15:21] Speaker D: I thy be my master, Thy bee, my leader, thy creature of great respect.
[00:15:27] Speaker B: But unfortunately with great wrestlers I now face. And I must rumble because I am going up against Platus and Dwaynus tonight. Mother.
[00:15:39] Speaker D: Platus and Duanes, I know, but not
[00:15:42] Speaker B: in a contest of bodies, which is how us Grecian Californians had previously decided ideas in elections.
I will try to best them with my mind, Mother.
[00:15:53] Speaker D: My son's mind be incomparable.
My son's mind be beautiful. Why use it to fight? Why not? Why not use it to love me? To be in these fields and to cherish. Cherish the one who bore thee on a summer's night.
[00:16:11] Speaker B: Mother, I would tattoo your name all over my frail body if it were within my power.
But my friend Valentinus has pointed out to me that this system is unfair and it needs a common man.
[00:16:28] Speaker D: Oh, thy be common in stature. But more than anything in my heart I cannot bear to think that thy might face the blow of a punch. Thy might land in Italy, for all I know. For thy shall fly. Thou shalt fly so far with a strong punch that I shall sail across the sea, through the sky and be an Italian boy.
[00:16:55] Speaker B: Mother, I know you're upset, but thou not need bring up the dirty Italians. We are Grecians. These are the lands of who we fight against the kingdom of Italy and our wicked king.
[00:17:07] Speaker D: Ah, that wicked, wicked King of Italy. Be they also sick, smelly and hairy and their food so vile.
[00:17:16] Speaker B: This is why it is so vital that I become elected premier of Greece.
Because I alone will rouse the people behind a common banner to fight the Italians.
[00:17:30] Speaker D: I could fight Italians till the end of time.
Fight my son. I can't for long.
[00:17:35] Speaker B: Mother, do not do this to me.
That tone in your voice.
[00:17:40] Speaker D: My son. My son.
I permit thee to go.
[00:17:44] Speaker B: The song you sang. You just started it to me as a baby.
[00:17:48] Speaker D: My son. My son.
My beautiful son.
My son. I shall not quarrel with thee, my son.
[00:18:02] Speaker B: Now, verse two. Yes.
[00:18:03] Speaker D: My son.
My beautiful son. Son, thou hast more character than etaly.
[00:18:15] Speaker B: Even in our most primal songs. We hate the Italian's mother.
[00:18:20] Speaker D: Ay. Tis in our blood. Tis more in our blood than the wine we do drink.
[00:18:26] Speaker B: Thank you for singing me that song one more time, Mother. And it stirred my heart to beat so much it popped several blood vessels. And I now have the visage of a. A red man. A tomato, a fruit of that vile country we share a border with a tomato.
[00:18:45] Speaker D: A vile reddish lump, not sweet like apple, yet not quite savory.
[00:18:52] Speaker B: It be the only vegetable that the many gods above see not fit to reincarnate our souls into.
[00:18:58] Speaker D: Ay, tomato be the exception. Tomato you do eat.
But prithee not eat not potato, eat not olive, lest it pressed into oil. For the olive body be where the soul do lie. The oil be but an inanimate substance.
So oil be okay. Long is the olive preserved as human should be just as human. Drained of blood remain human.
[00:19:28] Speaker B: O Mother. My Kalamata.
You are always speaking of the olive in such beautiful language.
[00:19:35] Speaker D: Thee be but green to the study of olives.
But I know I shall love thee in the pit of my heart.
[00:19:44] Speaker B: I'm walking backwards, mother. I cannot bear this vile love you spew at me anymore. I need to do this for all of Hollywood. Greece.
[00:19:53] Speaker D: Go.
Go. But careful thee. If. If I shall not return within two weeks time, a broken heart shall kill me.
[00:20:04] Speaker B: If I can, I will, mother.
[00:20:06] Speaker D: If I can, I will.
[00:20:09] Speaker A: Oh, no.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: A bird.
[00:20:10] Speaker C: Oh, no.
Valentinus.
[00:20:13] Speaker A: My teacher. Dueness.
[00:20:15] Speaker C: I'm suspicious. Platus is up to something.
Why give up the competition so easily?
He must be having a deeper plan. He's trying to ensnare me. It's a trap, I tell you.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: My lord Plato, I am but thy student. I am here to learn at thy feet.
Discover the workings of the calculations the philosophized now may teach. But wherein the crowds did speak true.
You and Plato do appear to be quite fond of each other. Despite the words thou dost speak. Thy bodies do entangle interestingly in the public squares.
[00:20:54] Speaker C: Stop it. I just want him around. Okay? I just don't like the idea that he's not in my sight. That I can't see that lovely, beautiful hair, that oily body, those big biceps and those bactor.
[00:21:12] Speaker A: Never mind playing as my liege.
[00:21:14] Speaker C: Valentinus. I need you to get Plato here.
[00:21:18] Speaker A: When thou speak' st of Plato is two sides of one coin. Is't love upon one side and hate upon the other? Methinks the way. And thou art showing thy emotions. Thou' st primed for hate. This is a town of free thinkers. Both thyself and Lord Plato have made this town aware of many such thoughts.
The people who have come before us are the Platts. We are the animals. The animals are on the streets. Thou may touch whatever human thou wilt do not eat. Platos alive is not acceptable. But wherein thou mayest choose to touch, to enjoy, to imbibe is no fear of the common people. My liege.
Do you like Plato? You can tell me.
[00:22:06] Speaker C: Yes. Okay. I love him.
[00:22:09] Speaker A: I.
Aye.
[00:22:10] Speaker C: This is progress, Valentinus. How. How can I.
How can I admit this?
My whole life has been built upon the idea that there's two leaders of Hollywood Greece Bronze me and beautiful, beautiful, beautiful brains Platys.
[00:22:34] Speaker A: My liege. Therein there is no issue.
Thou mayest continue as a duo and give way to the actual governance. To my fair friend Demetrius.
[00:22:43] Speaker C: Demetrius.
[00:22:44] Speaker A: Demetrius. Light as a feather.
[00:22:45] Speaker C: Demetrius. The man who weighs more than a gram.
[00:22:50] Speaker A: Aye. He weighs as much as a feather, but less than a stone. He flies away with the birds.
[00:22:54] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:22:55] Speaker C: How can Demetrius. He cannot even lift one man, let alone half a man, let alone a
[00:23:02] Speaker A: third of a man. Lord Duenus, thou art mightily obsessed within the lifting of other men.
Mayest thou focus upon lifting thy man, Plato. And let the leading of the country the lifting of other men lift not their bodies, but lift their spirits. Lift our government, lift us against the dirty Italians wherein we needs must conquer their tomatoes.
[00:23:25] Speaker C: You make me think if I were to lift one man plus a half a man, plus a third of a man, plus a fourth of a man, plus a fifth of a man.
[00:23:37] Speaker B: We cut to the Colosseum.
It's the big debate.
[00:23:40] Speaker A: Demetrius. Demetrius.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: Thank you, Fairbairn. I shall never forget you. And remember, feed all of your children equally, even the crippled ones. For if soo forsook, the crippled one may fly farther and higher than any of them.
[00:23:56] Speaker D: Oh, he doth speak Tweedle.
And it seems the birds doth understand him. Amazing.
[00:24:03] Speaker A: Demetrius. Amidst this blue sky and these tweeting, I have brought thee threads weighted down with heavy words wherein thou might stay upon the stage. Thy mighty head shall appear betwixt thy words an avatar. If thou wilt amidst thy words to show the people what thou thee means,
[00:24:25] Speaker B: you shall cast my continents upon some sort of grand screen so that all of the common men may see me in this debate.
[00:24:32] Speaker A: I wherein the great leaders who have come before thee. Plato has discussed the cave. The projections upon the wall. Thou shalt be projected upon the minds of the people. A giant head words next to them threads, if thou wilt.
[00:24:47] Speaker B: Yes. And they shall see my face and hear my words as if it were some sort of grand face Book.
[00:24:53] Speaker A: The Facebook. Thou couldst be live amidst a Facebook. A Facebook Live event if thou wilt.
[00:24:59] Speaker B: And I will craft a network of social men to inspire such grandeur within the army that we shall defeat the dirty Italians.
[00:25:11] Speaker D: Excuse me. Your plan sounds good, but I have another plan. Would you like to see my.
[00:25:20] Speaker B: My childhood friend? You. You came. Of course.
[00:25:23] Speaker A: Please.
[00:25:24] Speaker D: Yes. I have here one place where thou can rank friends and tell the people who thy allies be.
[00:25:35] Speaker A: Aye, almost like a telegram.
[00:25:38] Speaker B: Well, that one. No, I think what he's saying, Valentinus is different from that.
[00:25:43] Speaker A: Oh, I'm sorry. I misunderstood when we were speaking about.
[00:25:46] Speaker B: You dropped your horn for your shoes.
[00:25:48] Speaker C: True.
[00:25:48] Speaker B: You, you.
[00:25:51] Speaker A: Alas, these ideas for these social constructs, these social networks, if thou wilt mayest be provided upon us to later date. I have news for thee who hast appeared and Demetrius for thee. I believe, Demetrius, thou mayest win this debate with no, no means fighting. Thy words hath already won. Thou needs must unite the great philosophers Duaneous and Plato. I have convinced Dwaynus in private he hath admitted his love for Plato. If thou may speak words of love to these two men, Plato will be in the crowd, Duanes will be upon the stage. Therein thou might unite the two. And therefore unite the Grecians of California, Greece to attack the Italians and claim the Tommasos.
[00:26:34] Speaker C: Aye.
[00:26:35] Speaker B: And when I argue against Platus who is on stage, and Duenas, who is in the crowds, then I will.
[00:26:43] Speaker A: Right, we're very close. I believe Dwayne is on the stage. Plato did secede from the argument earlier. That was part of when they were touching the nipples, you know, the crowds were there. I've heard the news across town. That was very, very tense of a sexual nature.
[00:26:57] Speaker C: You would know if you followed my TikTok.
[00:27:02] Speaker B: Oh, it's the dirty peddler.
[00:27:04] Speaker C: Yes, I put these little messages on juggling balls and juggle them around, throwing them at people so they can see the news of the day.
[00:27:16] Speaker D: We see one of the balls flying in the air, taken by a bird, carried all the way to a cave but miles away.
[00:27:25] Speaker B: It wipes the camera in a 1920s way where we see the news written upon the ball and it says, dwaynis argues against a newcomer. Now tonight at eight and we go there.
The two rise from. From below the stage on pneumatic tubes.
[00:27:44] Speaker A: And in this corner we have the philosopher king, the man with the muscles, the man of multiple eggs.
[00:27:52] Speaker C: Duuuus.
[00:27:54] Speaker A: The rock will not say the last name.
And upon this other corner, newcomer to the philosophizing scene, light as a feather, floating like a bee.
Demetrius the big head.
[00:28:12] Speaker B: So nice to be here.
[00:28:15] Speaker C: Demetrius.
You dare debate me?
What say you? What idea could you bring forth that I could not think of in my sleep?
[00:28:30] Speaker B: If you were to ask me what ideas I could think of while waking that you could only dream of, why I'd say I could think of you and Plato together.
In fact, when I think about this, a rumor, not bliss.
I think that might be exactly what goes on between your ears while you sleep. Is that not right? Hall of Greece.
[00:28:53] Speaker D: Oh look. Oh look at this. He'd not even land a punch. And yet Duenna seems downed.
[00:29:01] Speaker C: I laugh, I laugh.
To think that I Would dream of Plato and sleeping together in the same room and being vulnerable enough not to be angry and not having to talk about him all the time in an angry way. Not to show.
Demetrius, you're insane.
[00:29:23] Speaker B: Grecians, look not upon this brawny man.
Look upon me in my hideous form for about a second.
[00:29:30] Speaker D: Ooh,
[00:29:32] Speaker B: yes, yes, gaze upon it.
It's like a clementine held up by cherry stems.
[00:29:41] Speaker D: Oh.
[00:29:42] Speaker A: Ooh.
[00:29:42] Speaker D: My grandfather's a cherry stem.
[00:29:45] Speaker B: You do deserve more than a man whose muscles have divided him from rational thought.
We are truly a land of not just brotherly love, but pathos.
And if we can transform this pathos from logos, we might just be able to defeat the dirty Italians.
[00:30:06] Speaker C: I will prove that I do not love Plato. Let him come forward and let us share. Spit, and I will show that I do not enjoy it at all.
[00:30:15] Speaker D: Fine. I do come forward.
I peel back bird mask. Oh.
[00:30:22] Speaker C: I knew you had some plan all along, didn't you? You set Demetrius up for this, didn't you?
[00:30:28] Speaker D: Aye. I carried him to nest many years ago, setting forth in motion many plans that would bring him to defeat you and prove power of brains.
[00:30:42] Speaker B: You were the wind beneath my wings, Plato.
[00:30:44] Speaker D: The whole time I be wind and wings for brain doth teach me flight mechanism that shall not be rediscovered for hundreds of years.
[00:30:55] Speaker C: You.
Well, let's get to it. To show that I do not, in fact, love you so open up, I
[00:31:05] Speaker A: pray thee, dear Demetrius.
[00:31:07] Speaker B: Yes, we're having an aside.
[00:31:08] Speaker A: Expound upon them. Expound upon them? They are kissing currently. Let them see it needs not be done in hate. It may be kisses with love.
Cease this debate.
[00:31:18] Speaker B: You're right.
[00:31:19] Speaker D: Ah. No. This is bad.
[00:31:21] Speaker A: You see?
[00:31:21] Speaker B: It's so bad.
[00:31:22] Speaker C: And I will prove it again by kissing platys again.
[00:31:26] Speaker B: Valentinus. Come back.
[00:31:28] Speaker A: Demetrius.
My lord. Philosophers, my lord philosophers both look upon thee. Look upon thyself. Thou art pressed amongst each other. The words thou dost proclaim do betray the feelings that thou hast. Thou art each a candle on the water for each other.
Thou art each between each other's wings. Thou art ships passing in the night.
[00:31:52] Speaker D: But his ship be so much broader, his ship be so powerful in a way mine can never be.
[00:31:59] Speaker C: His ship be so much smarter than I could ever be.
[00:32:03] Speaker A: Leto.
Two sides of one coin.
[00:32:07] Speaker B: A Voltron is you.
[00:32:09] Speaker A: Would I of Voltron, that man Voltron,
[00:32:12] Speaker B: who is made of two men, one atop the other, who had the skills of both, who passed through town 10
[00:32:17] Speaker A: years on four arms, two heads, four legs, two hearts, one body, two hearts, one
[00:32:28] Speaker D: body.
[00:32:30] Speaker B: Fair Gretians, at the end of this mockery of debate, you will all have a colored stone to cast your ballot. I bid you cast it under mine so that these two men might retire and act out their love. And in surely the most Grecian fashion,
[00:32:46] Speaker A: I'm voting for the Clementine.
He seems to know he's talking about lots of cherry stems. But I'm voting for the clementine.
[00:32:53] Speaker B: Yeah, you can. You can skin one of those and you can express the oil into some sugar and make a. An interesting mix for drinks and even baked.
[00:33:02] Speaker D: That's true.
[00:33:02] Speaker C: And you can even keep.
[00:33:04] Speaker D: You can even keep the body of it, keeping it alive and being ethical.
[00:33:08] Speaker A: You vote for the clementine, it's a vote for another human. It's. It's perfect. We all know the plants are still people, just people who can't speak. This is a speaking clementine. He's got to be smiling. All of us.
[00:33:19] Speaker C: Oh, it's just be like a clementine. Because I was thinking, when I was younger, my teacher showed me how the world could be projected into two dimensions with the Clementine.
[00:33:31] Speaker D: What?
[00:33:33] Speaker C: You unwrap the Clementine.
[00:33:36] Speaker B: I Mercator, he was my teacher too.
[00:33:39] Speaker A: Here upon the stage. Demetrius, I prithee, while in these plebeians do cast their votes, why not claim the mantle of praetor for thyself? Now marry these two men who art clearly in love, claim the title of Praetorians and control Greece against the Italians.
[00:33:55] Speaker B: Valentinus, Though I want nothing more than this, and I truly do think I am right, now that the qualification for praetor be to unite two in love.
I think this is your namesake, Valentinus. This has always been your story and your destiny.
[00:34:14] Speaker D: Why, he's got a bow and arrow on his back.
[00:34:17] Speaker A: I pray thee.
Thou hast seen my nature. I do seek the love of many people. If I may be prayed to, thou may be dictator of this fine land. This duo shall die. Umber it. A duo, a die, a dialogue. A dialogue. To claim this fair land and fight the Italians. Would thou clasp my hand and stand with me as we marry these two philosophers.
[00:34:40] Speaker B: I've been clasping your hand for the past five minutes. You. You can't feel it because it's so. So small and weak. But I am with you in this eternal dialogue.
[00:34:48] Speaker A: I will be careful of thy frail bird bones. I am dreadfully sorry. My dear friend. Demetrius Duanes Plato.
[00:34:55] Speaker C: Yes, yes.
[00:34:56] Speaker A: A student of one of thine. I have been and I have learned from thee, Plato. From my friend's bird like Stature, the language of tweets. I do claim here with this bow and arrow, the power to marry thee and give freedom to thy love. Demetrius shall proclaim the validity of it as new dictator of Greece.
[00:35:17] Speaker B: And I shall declare that the first 10 acres we take from those dirty Italians shall go to you and your homestead to lift each other up four, five times a day.
[00:35:30] Speaker A: That's at least four men.
[00:35:31] Speaker C: What say you, Platus, Philosopher king? Could use another king.
[00:35:38] Speaker D: Ay, a di umbrage. A dialogue of love.
Thou may lift many men, but thou may only sweep one off his feet.
[00:35:51] Speaker C: I figured out the riddle Platys.
One man plus a half. Plus a third.
[00:35:58] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:35:59] Speaker C: Plus one over N.
As N approach approaches infinity, the sum of those, it does not lead to a finite number, but it leads to an infinite, which is my love for you.
[00:36:11] Speaker B: Fuck him in the asymptote.
[00:36:14] Speaker D: I.
[00:36:15] Speaker C: Excuse me, sir, that was. That was a little inappropriate.
[00:36:19] Speaker A: Plato, Thou hast something to say to thy love, does thou not?
[00:36:23] Speaker D: I, my love, be without limit.
My love doth some and some, and some, and some.
And thy heart be a turtle, and I, Achilles, I, eternally chasing it faster and faster and yet reaching, reaching in every moment.
[00:36:46] Speaker B: They're so close that the noses and the nipples are touching.
[00:36:49] Speaker D: I wish. I wish at this point to touch mouths, nose, nipple at once and form a triumvirate of marital bond.
[00:37:01] Speaker C: I do't. As well.
[00:37:04] Speaker A: Within the theorizing thou hast proclaimed, and the tweeting and the threading and the loving. And the loving, I do proclaim thou too married philosopher kings. Thou hast escaped thy cave, Plato, and thou hast cracked thy egg dues.
Within the lands of this fair Californian hills, we may claim our land back from the Italians rising above. We shall use this in a strict means. No, we go back to love.
We will not tread upon xenophobia. We shall not.
[00:37:36] Speaker B: And as the crowd cheers for the new dictator, the new praetor, and the two philosopher kings now demoted but forever in love with, we zoom out as if we are mounted upon a bird high over Greece, watching this tale that does entrance us all.
[00:37:55] Speaker D: And we see in the distance, a mother dying for two weeks have passed.
She be but her soul now commending itself into an olive
[00:38:13] Speaker A: squat.
[00:38:14] Speaker B: The end.
[00:38:18] Speaker C: Nice.
[00:38:20] Speaker B: You just heard P.J. nally, who is our co producer and played Plato, sometimes called Platus, Demetrius, mother, a bird who turned out to be Plato. And a Grecian peasant, Ross Neil, who played Valentinus and a Grecian peasant, Ethan Crump, who played Duennis, the rock TikTok, the Dirty Peddler and a Grecian peasant and Drew Robinson who is our co producer, sound designer and played Demetrios and a Grecian peasant. If you liked this, check us out on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube as alasimprov. We don't have very many posts yet, but we'd love for you to be ready for when we do. If you want to get in touch, email
[email protected] Alas, the improvised works of William Shakespeare is a hell yeah production.
